All the things $10 million can get you

Holy cow!

On Tuesday, Cal Poly announced that former Raytheon chairman Bill Swanson and his wife Cheryl donated over $10 million to the golf program.

Cal Poly golfer Justin De Los Santos won the Big West title last year at San Luis Obispo Country Club. By Owen Main

Let me try to contextualize the gift and the program for you. Less than six months ago, Scott Cartwright was coaching both the men’s and women’s team. In April, the Mustangs hosted the Big West Championships at the San Luis Obispo Country Club, and I had a short but interesting conversation with Cartwright about what it was like to try to balance coaching schedules for both the men’s and women’s teams.

About a month later, “golf enthusiasts and philanthropists” Michael and Sammy Pineau donated over $1 million to the program. It was a huge windfall for Cartwright and both golf teams at Cal Poly. It meant that Cal Poly could fund more than the 3.5 (out of an allowable 10.5) golf scholarships and it made the Mustangs more competitive in terms of program budgets in the Big West.

Mainly, the generosity of the Pineaus’ allowed the program to hire a full-time women’s head coach in Sofie Aagaard over the summer.

Now, less than a half year later, the Swansons’ $10 million-plus donation should allow Cal Poly’s golf program to fund many more scholarships, travel more freely to better national tournaments, and compete generally at a higher level. Cartwright and Aagaard have to be through the moon with the news, as everyone at Cal Poly, especially in the athletic department should be.

::Commence silliness::

I am too, because it gives me and fansmanship contributor Kenny Stevenson a jumping off point — what could Cal Poly’s golf team spend their $10 million on?

A golf course on-campus?

This almost isn’t a silly idea. I have two friends who manage golf courses in SLO county who are Cal Poly alumni. Even a fun little 6 or 9-hole course could be pretty rad, and you know there is space for it. People in construction management, landscape architecture, horticulture, business, and other majors could get some real hands-on learn-by-doing experience managing Cal Poly’s own little track.

I guess the drawback would be water. We don’t really have any. Also, Dairy Creek Golf Course is already pretty close. Still, maybe an on-campus pitch and putt that the golf team could use AND that students could help manage seems like an idea that’s not as silly as I thought it sounded at first. Actually, yes, it probably is. Moving on.

Hire guys on the course to yell “get in the hole!” as opponents tee off.

Now we’re getting into the really good ideas. “Get in the hole!” guy is a staple at professional events. Paying a dude to yell is a small cost that would help prepare athletes for potential professional golf lives after they leave Cal Poly. Alternate plans could include hiring Weird Al being the “get in the hole!” guy for special occasions, though I think he probably doesn’t need a gig like that at this point in his career.  However, our contributor, Kenny Stevenson has stated that he would be more than willing to play this part.  He doesn’t make enough money to have integrity.

Two words — Golf. Pants.

Seriously. Look at these beauties. Gotta make these happen, right? You can find the link to them and other green plaid options right here. Cal Poly will be to golf pants what the Oregon Ducks are to uniforms. This has to happen.

Tons of Pro V-1’s

Actually, they could stock-up on about 3,000,000 Pro V1’s, if Titleist didn’t give them any discounts. I wouldn’t expect any discounts. Pro V1’s are like gold unto themselves. Considering my golf game (and how many balls I lose), 3,000,000 would be a good number, but that’s probably way too many for the Cal Poly golf team that consists of like less than two dozen players on the men’s and women’s sides combined.  However, Kenny has been clear that he will gladly take the money that would have been spent on these balls. Or he’ll wash used ones en masse. Whatever it takes.

New Grips

Seriously, everyone waits too long to get their clubs re-gripped. I’m like four years overdue. It always seems like it costs just a little more than I ever want to spend. Now there are no excuses. Get those sticks re-gripped as much as you want!

Sweet belts

Today’s young, hip golfer must have a belt option that sets him or her apart. An amazing Mustang belt buckle that looks like it belongs on a pair of Wranglers should suffice. I guess I’m going back to the “Oregon of golf” thing, but these kinds of “unioform” options are now within reach.

Hydrogen fuel cell (Escalade) golf carts

This is a real video from a Cal Poly student.

And this is a real thing too:

We must combine these two ideas. If anybody can do it, it’s the former head of Raytheon. Dress them up like the Escalade golf carts and give them out to all golfers. They can double as a way to ensure that everyone goes to class. It’s a win-win.

Punch and Pie

Cartman put it really eloquently. More people will come if they think we have punch and pie.

But, if you promise punch and pie, you’ve gotta have it. Or else…

So, you can use a few bucks for some sweet treats to get more fans out on the course. I think that’s a good thing. I guess the adult, alcohol-inclusive version of this is some kind of beer/wine garden a’la football, baseball, or basketball games. Then again, they do those for those other sports without singularly amazing donations, so, again, maybe it’s not so far-fetched.

______________________

In conclusion, and in all seriousness I’m really stoked for the Mustang golfers and Scott Cartwright and Sofie Aagaard. The future there looks bright, even if it probably won’t include hydrogen fuel cell-powered Escalade golf carts or even punch and pie. But a boy can dream.

See ya out on the links.

Fansmanship contributor Kenny Stevenson was moderately involved in the silliness of this post