Ray Lewis Part Deux: What is Deer-Antler Velvet Extract?

By Keith Allison (originally posted to Flickr as Ray Lewis) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

What does a man do with deer-antler velvet extract? Rub his body in it, run naked in a forest and frolic candidly amongst the doe’?

It’s so outrageous, that as I’m writing this, I can’t stop imagining Ray Lewis naked, and that’s just wrong. Ray Lewis should never be naked nor should he remind me of cottontail creatures in beautiful, bird-chirping forests. He has, for most of his career, been a freak of nature, more super-hero than chagrining saint, more mean than prim with niceties.

If Ray Lewis took deer-antler velvet extract like this article says he did, than I’m more concerned with PETA than I am with a Colin Kaepernick-led 49ers offense, so diverse and intricate in their play calling, they make memorization of the mathematical pi symbol elementary.

PETA aside, the Ravens could have a real problem on their hands –

On Sunday a defense that allows 415.0 yards per game in the postseason, and big plays to opposing receivers iwth high YAC-averages to emphatically emphasize that skill,  lines up against the record breaking legs of Kapernick, a rejuvenated Frank Gore, slant middle possession player in Michael Crabtree and of course, the explosive Vernon Davis.

You can almost hear the creaky old Ravens defense doing a whole lot of YACing on the sideline. A defense that ranked 17th all season is not the kind of thing I feel totally comfortable about. And nor should any of you bandwagon believers.

It might take more than a lively prayer or antler spray to salvage Ray this time. If not, than good riddance. I’m tired of the shenanigans.

I would love to hear your most creative descriptions of deer-antler velvet extract. Post below.