On Saturday night, I finally did something I’ve been wanting to do for the last few years — I got myself out to a local roller derby match. It was quickly clear to me that this wasn’t the roller derby I grew up with. Here is what I used to watch on TV growing up (yep, it was on ESPN):

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=MP6xT_ThxdI

Ed. note — I had so much fun looking up old roller derby clips I had to include them here. I could not help myself. 

Ed. note #2 — They don’t make em like they used to. I favor this to something like PTI, Cold Pizza, First Take, etc… . I don’t even care if they make new ones. Just replay these from the 80’s. It would be way better than listening to Skip or whoever ESPN has on.

While there aren’t any wrestling moves thrown out, Derby does get quite physical. By Owen Main

OK, so what is this local Roller Derby really about?

Cal Skate and Central Coast Roller Derby, along with A-Town Asylum skate on a flat track. In fact, it’s called flat-track roller derby.

The basic premise is the same as what you saw in the videos above. Each “round” is called “jam.” In each jam, there is a “jammer” for each team who is the player who scores the points. She is often one of the faster and more skilled skaters. Each member of the other team she passes earns her team a point. One of the jammers (the lead jammer) can call off the jam at any time. Jams last a maximum of two minutes and players rotate pretty consistently to stay fresh. There are lots of other rules and strategery, but those are the basics.

Will I see elbows thrown?

Unlike what you see above, though, this brand of roller derby doesn’t have elements of wrestling. It’s real competition by real people. There are some elbows out, but it’s illegal and there are five or six officials who will put a skater into the penalty area faster than I could even process. After watching for a while, you learn what is and isn’t allowed. It starts to make more sense.

So what are the skills you have to have?

Skating, falling, getting up, strength, boxing out, stamina. Obviously skating is the number one skill. That’s something you can learn relatively easily with practice. I never could skate backwards, and these women definitely need to know how to do that.

Falling and getting up are maybe even more important than the ability to skate. The sport is a physical one, skaters do fall, and they have to know how to fall and get back up in seconds. When getting back up, they can’t use their hands because, well, nobody wants a hand or finger to get run over by an errant skate wheel.

The key to this game (and I know, cuz I’ve watched a whole match-and-a-half in my life) seems to be the equivalent of boxing out in basketball while on skates and while everyone is required to be moving forward. It’s harder than it sounds, especially when a particularly-skilled jammer is trying to get by you. Most of the players are blockers, trying to keep the jammer hemmed in, but knowing what’s behind you and getting in their way isn’t easy.

Try to imagine something like the box out drill in basketball, except you are one person going against two others who are trying to box you out. Then put skates on and make it so that instead of going for the ball, you are just trying to get past the two in front of you. This is what being a jammer is like. Again, though, elbows, holding, etc… are not allowed.

This is S.S. Battlehipz. Awesome name. Intense focus. By Owen Main

What’s with the outfits?

Roller derby outfits are unique. Every participant has their own style and a crazy name to boot. “Erin Go Brawl Her,” “S.S. Battlehipz,” “HydroJen,” (number H2) and “Gigantor” (the smallest girl out there) were a few good ones.

Officials have cool names too. “Whistley Snipes” and “Homer Pimpson” were two good ones. The uniforms range from a full t-shirt and black pants to a tank top with crazy black stockings and something akin to a swimsuit bottom.

I would imagine a lot of extra clothes would just make it easier for others to grab you or gain an advantage somehow. Plus, a lot of baggy clothes aren’t very aerodynamic — and these ladies are moving pretty quickly around the track.

In the context of looking at a single picture, the outfits might look out of place or something, especially given the brutally physical nature of the sport, but in the context of the match, they seem to make sense.

Roller Derby has fans of all ages. By Owen Main

A good time

Roller Derby is something that I would recommend. The matchup on Saturday night had a professional presentation, music playing the whole time, and lots of games and entertainment during the breaks in action. There are also food and drinks available there, so spending a few hours at the arena becomes a pretty comfortable thing to do. As far as sports entertainment, I’d encourage people to give it a try.

You can find CalSkate Roller Derby at http://www.calskaterollerderby.com/ . They are located in Santa Maria, but there are also teams in the North County. If you’re a lady and you’re interested, they are always looking for new skaters.

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