By Keith Allison (originally posted to Flickr as Ray Lewis) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

What does a man do with deer-antler velvet extract? Rub his body in it, run naked in a forest and frolic candidly amongst the doe’?

It’s so outrageous, that as I’m writing this, I can’t stop imagining Ray Lewis naked, and that’s just wrong. Ray Lewis should never be naked nor should he remind me of cottontail creatures in beautiful, bird-chirping forests. He has, for most of his career, been a freak of nature, more super-hero than chagrining saint, more mean than prim with niceties.

If Ray Lewis took deer-antler velvet extract like this article says he did, than I’m more concerned with PETA than I am with a Colin Kaepernick-led 49ers offense, so diverse and intricate in their play calling, they make memorization of the mathematical pi symbol elementary.

PETA aside, the Ravens could have a real problem on their hands –

On Sunday a defense that allows 415.0 yards per game in the postseason, and big plays to opposing receivers iwth high YAC-averages to emphatically emphasize that skill,  lines up against the record breaking legs of Kapernick, a rejuvenated Frank Gore, slant middle possession player in Michael Crabtree and of course, the explosive Vernon Davis.

You can almost hear the creaky old Ravens defense doing a whole lot of YACing on the sideline. A defense that ranked 17th all season is not the kind of thing I feel totally comfortable about. And nor should any of you bandwagon believers.

It might take more than a lively prayer or antler spray to salvage Ray this time. If not, than good riddance. I’m tired of the shenanigans.

I would love to hear your most creative descriptions of deer-antler velvet extract. Post below.

The 49ers are like a rusted old 1956 Chevy pickup with no tires, windows, or steering wheel.  Yes they have the best linebacker in football in P-Will, a blossoming superstar receiver in Mike Crabtree,  a top three tight end in Vernon Davis, and when healthy, which don’t put your money on, dude would get hurt walking in the grocery store, top three running back in Frank Gore. BUT THEY DON’T HAVE A QUARTERBACK! And unless they can resurrect Trent Dilfer, the only non-quarterback recently to win one, then it sure as hell is not happening with Alex Smith, David Carr, or Troy Smith. All three have compiled a career record of 38-78 at the starting quarter back position. Which makes me wonder…how much of a difference will Jim Harbaugh make in comparison to the hard-nosed Singletary?

To be fair, Singletary did not do that bad of a job. Honestly he was the man who took Vernon Davis from dud to stud, and brought back an attitude of hard-nosed play the 49ers have not seen since the mid-90’s.  His 18-22 mark is an over-achievement for an organization with about as much direction as Latrell Sprewell’s spastic dribbling. A team that has been through more offensive coordinators than my wife has haircuts in the last ten years. He did this with no quarterback,  and an inconsistent defense that lacks mainly at the corner position. A serious position, considering most yards accrue through the air.

It is fair to say, when going to an organization like the 49ers, the majority of coaches will fail. It doesn’t matter your intent nor your expertise, because the reality is that unless you have the components to work the car, then the car isn’t going to start.  Frank Gore’s health? Starting Quarterback? Mike Crabtree’s drive? Cornerback? And the list continues to mount within a depressive off-season for a team that finished 6-10.  As the great Freddie Mercury so elegantly put, “another one bites the dust.” Give it two, maybe three, years and reality would say Harbaugh will be filing for unemployment.

-Luke Johnson