Everyone is at fault and fans are punished.

Read the newspapers, online articles, and blog posts and you’ll find differing opinions — nothing really unexpected. Players are glad to be back. Here is what has to happen between now and December 9th blah blah blah.

And then something caught my eye.

In the LA Times, with a story about the NBA, there is a picture of NBA Players Association President Derek Fisher in a press conference. Look at it. Take it in for a minute.

As always, Fisher exudes classiness. In his conservative suit and tie, it is clear that Fisher knows something about impressions, business, and dealing with people in business.

Flanking Fisher in the picture are former all-stars Chauncy Billups and Russell Westbrook. A veteran and an “up and comer.” Two players who are, by now, used to being in the spotlight. Two guys who went to (for at least a few years) very respectable institutions of higher learning – the University of Colorado and UCLA.

And the both of them are in red hoodies.

No Regard for Human Life also posted some pictures and noted the hoodies.

I guess the negotiations are over. And as long as they aren’t on their way to a game, the NBA players can wear whatever they want. But after a long “negotiation” during which the players had to make a lot of concessions, dudes front and center at a press conference in sweats and hoodies makes a pretty clear statement.

The job of an NBA player is to play basketball, but isn’t it about projecting an image too? Don’t they get paid because fans get excited and watch the game. Isn’t that why David Stern implemented a dress code for players?

Maybe Westbrook and Billups were taking a shot at Stern. Many of the players there were well dressed.

Maybe they just didn’t have any of their nice clothes to wear. Whatever the reason, they should have been more buttoned up. After all the talk about how everything is about business, wearing sweats and hoodies sends the completely wrong message.

It is evidence that clearly the NBA still has a long, long way to go.

Addition note: Luke Johnson *********

As it is true that the red hoodies worn by Chauncey Billups and Russell Westbrook at an important NBA meeting is a sign of blatant disrespect from casually disparate professionals, we must understand an even larger more pertinent fact regarding today’s audacious athletes.

In the above article by my friend Owen Main at fansmanship.com, the writer unknowingly anointed the issue when he poignantly postured, “dudes front and center at a press conference in sweats and hoodies makes a pretty clear statement,” and then later, “after all the talk about how everything is about business, wearing sweats and hoodies sends the completely wrong message.”

And thought it does send a message of immaturity, both from an up and coming inconsiderate and a fox-eyed champion, it also sends a much needed image front and center for a society that glorifies this type of me-first, give-it-to-me, athletic celebrity.

For a moment it seemed the league could re-route itself after a lockout in 1999. The lockout eliminated many of its fringe fans who historically college lovers, found enough at times in the pro game to watch it also. Yet after the lockout and the wavering beef of Shawn Kemp’s belly, the NBA fell from grace; from 1 to 3 in the power rankings of the big three: NFL, MLB & NBA.

Though time has a way of healing past wounds, we’re entirely incorrect in thinking people ever really forget. The NBA has shown us nothing that would make us think things might be changing. And despite celebrating the league’s highest ratings for an NBA Finals series in the last ten years, once again things are decomposing with idiocy.

While an NFL athlete works under realistic conditional contracts, deals both lucrative and yet conditioned under performance expectations, the NBA athlete has reveled in the scott free nature of a contract conditioned around nothing.

Take a look at Warriors starting center Andris Beidrins. Since signing a 6-year $63-million dollar deal, the Latvian has periled in a quandary of make-shift injuries. His uninspired play has not only bankrupt a franchise in need of locking up other athletes, but questions the validity of the NBA system as a whole.

Since the deal Beidrins has played in just 46.0 games per season with numbers of 5.0 points and 7.4 rebounds.  Both numbers are his lowest since his rookie year. And while the Warriors continue to form a team around Stephan Curry and David Lee, they wade in deep water with the Western Conference’s version of Eddy Curry.

His unconditional contract is a burden on many fronts, most notably on his trade value. The Warriors must either match a portion of Biedrins contract in order to move him, or find a team willing to take a risk on him.

As implausible as option two is, the Warriors will be either stuck with him for another three-years, or as I said, paying a former employee a portion of his contract while he services elsewhere.

Yet, despite this, how can we morally fault the type of athletes we’ve created?

Today’s NBA athletes are celebrities because we said so. They are byproducts of million dollar PR agents, corporate greed and the lust for entertainment. Their gift to play a game has suspended into the stratosphere like gods, while other noble professions, most infamously teachers, lament in the cellar. While a fourth grade teacher collects his or her 42,000 dollars a year and fights yearly for their professional life, Kobe Bryant collects 6-times that during a 48-minute strap.

And though I understand a pro athlete can play an ominous role in our society as a figure head for cultural unification and national pride, I can’t help but question our societal values.

Without teachers we devolve into back country snake charmers believing in witchery. Without athletes we pay attention to world events more and read at a higher level.

Instead of a presidential address, music or a creatively sound book, we opt for momentary high flying enticement, something ultimately leaving us numb and disenfranchised from the world around us.

While World War 3 breaks lose, the Lakers lose.  An atom ball rips through our town while the Heat run off a red hot run. Our twitter accounts’ are hacked with identity thieves, but blowing up with Kevin Durant’s favorite Mexican restaurant. And while LeBron James just posed in GQ wearing a checkered long sleeve shirt, skinny jeans and a poet’s cap, the world says goodbye to literary legend, Hunter S. Thompson.

All in all it has been an average day: Kobe dropped 30 and the Knicks didn’t play any defense.

And while Americans go unemployed, our education system fails, the blue collar working class shrinks to an all-time low, corporate corruption arises and world famine steals the lives of children, most Americans are notably content with a sixty-six game NBA schedule starting on Christmas day.
We’re fawning over the wrong things. Our love of celebrity has taken us to the edge of stupidity and we’re cliff hanging, holding on, scratching just to remain intellectually relevant.

While China trumps us in every major educational category, outperforms us in productivity and continues to set the bar in the fields of medicine and technology, we’re doling out wads of money to greedy self-centered sets of hands.

The point then is this: the men wear red hoodies at a press conference because they’re allowed to wear red hoodies. It’s cool and they’re larger than life, and have been silver spoon fed this crap of praise since they stepped on the scene.

Until putting a ball in a hoop can save lives it is a meaningless game and the men and women who play it, like you and like me, are average citizens with an average calling.

Kim Kardashian: nothing more than an average rich girl currently ranks fourth above the likes of Barack Obama on the twitter account list with 11,591,704 fans.  She’s best known for making a fortune on a leaked sex tape starring her and Brandy’s brother Ray J. Besides that she’s dated Dolphins running back Reggie Bush and was married to starting Nets forward, Kris Humphries.

The girl’s fame is as fake as a tissue enhancement in a school girl’s bra. And yet she garners praise for no other reason other than she has a nice behind, a way of starring in “leaked” sex tapes, and most importantly, because of her relations with celebrity athletes.

Kardashian’s last tweet was as follows: “ooooh do I understand this urge! LOL RT @KhloeKardashian -The things that I wish I could tweet LOL.”

Huh? Can I get a copy of Rosetta Stone?

It’s material anarchy, a disintegration of our great society succumbed with paranoia, and Polly Pocket is to blame. Her make believe world in a woman’s compact blush-mirror is a vortex sucking souls into a plastic world, a world known as Black Friday.

Much like Arnie’s world…

All I wanted was a tooth brush!? A simple .99 cent tooth brush because the bristles on mine resembled Kei$ha hungover.

Had I known I would be forced to weave cart- traffic like a rat zig zagging in-and-through a labyrinth I’d opted for bad breath. Decided it best to hole up and eat turkey sandwiches. Play it safe and sit still, staring at ESPN until my eyes felt like molasses.

As of Monday, another battle ensues. Cyber bullies and pornographic fairies come out to play, their minions rallying the world around 90% off of 90% itemized bin sales.

Out whip our fourth, fifth and sixth credit cards, while our buyer’s- credit swivels down the drain. And though we lose our homes and our jobs, we continue to buy buy buy, seek, seek, seek, all the way to bankruptcy court.

According to multiple sources Black Friday sales are up 20%.

The expectation then is a whopping increase come Cyber Monday, a day our fingertips can click click click without moving any other part of our bodies.

As if it wasn’t difficult enough?

First we battled the world and now, without further adieu, a legion of Internet aliens.

It’s an unwinnable battle really. For the few hoping to tighten their financial belts, ignoring Black Friday is one thing, but ignoring the cyber-juggernaut is an entirely different difficulty.

Our simpleton fights against the holiday-ten are over, our battles with Richard Simmons commercials and the guilt of Jenny Craig in the rear view mirror. Toys that never broke: soccer balls, Jax and a game of Uno, are relics of an archaic world now.

We’re waging war on behalf of future generations and their children’s children. We’re stockpiling dusty Y2K storehouses with the bare essentials: beer, beef, barbecue coal and toilet paper.

On a side note, the NBA lockout is nearing an end.

NBA and NBPA are deciding it best to get in on some of this here action. Cyber Trolls are frolicking in LeBron James and Kobe Bryant jerseys while David Stern ring leads the parade.

A sixty-six game schedule is set to ensue starting on Christmas day. A triple header including a rematch between the Miami Heat and Dallas Mavericks will headline the event.

Ill be drinking spiked eggnog under my Christmas tree talking to Santa Claus about finances, wondering where and when the miniature kingdom of mine red lined into shambles and my life began to resemble everyone else’s.

On a side note, I succesfully got a new tooth brush. Though I was frightened by the following: a woman wearing a Mrs. Claus outfit walking in reindeer slippers, triplet boys crying in an octave arrangement as beautiful as the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and a barbie in a noose of dental floss, I purchased the only tooth brush left, a buzzing light up tinker bell.  

Since I know many fans of the NBA are Jonesing for some good NBA early-season smack-talk, here it comes. With a German accent, trademark headphones, and a level of passion I didn’t expect, Flula disses the Heat.

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=OunWJ1fDByE

WOW. And you know he’s a Dirk fan!

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VU6UHBYJOUw

Here are a few of my other Flula favorites. Enjoy!

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=63Y5XjlO4vk

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMa1i3ITBbo

If you are a Los Angeles sports fan, all of these dates should probably mean something to you. You probably remember where you were at a certain point during each of these days when you heard the news. Or watched the game.

A generation ago, people remembered where they were when JFK was shot. No sports-related news will ever come close, but for die-hard Lakers and Dodgers fans, there are a few moments that stand-out. In my lifetime (born in 1981), here are the top goose-bump-worthy and memorable moments for the Lakers and their fans. Jonesing for some NBA time, I’ve gone back and picked five of my favorites. They are personal to me. Many people may have others, and I’d like to hear about yours as well. Here’s hoping the NBA lockout ends soon!

___________________________________________________________________________

5: May 26, 2002 – Robert Horry takes a tipped rebound and drills a 3-pointer at the buzzer, sending Staples Center into pandemonium.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=769f_gjkDaA

In my college apartment with my roommates and others, I jumped up and took a lap with my Shaq jersey on. It was clear that the Lakers were becoming beatable, and that I better enjoy it while it lasted. For Lakers fans, the 3-peat was so, so sweet.

4: January 23, 2006 – Kobe Bryant scores 81 points. Because Toronto can’t play any defense and Kobe never saw a shot he didn’t like. He made 18 free throws and helped to win a game that featured the likes of Chris Mihm, Kwame Brown, Smush Parker and Lamar Odom along with Kobe in the starting lineup. No wonder he didn’t pass…

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRikrksH8es

My cousin called me at my house. I was living in Colorado and probably sleeping. I didn’t watch much of the Lakers that year (see starting lineup above), but I definitely taped the replay and watched it later on. Can anyone imagine what would have happened if Kobe hadn’t acted like a jerk in his final years with Shaq, causing everyone in their right mind to shy away from the purple and gold for a number of years…?

3: June 9, 1987 – Magic Johnson hits a sky-hook in Game 4 of the NBA Finals. When Larry Bird’s shot doesn’t go at the buzzer, the Lakers take a commanding 3-1 lead in the series. (Still wondering where Amazing will happen this year…)

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zT4D0t3jH5k

Along with the Gibson home run, Magic’s sky hook is one of two indelibly imprinted sports moments during the first 10 years of my life. I was on the living room floor watching the game. I was so into the game, that I don’t even remember who else was there. Probably my dad. When Magic made the sky-hook, all seemed right with the world.

2: November 7, 1991 – Magic Johnson announces he has HIV and retires. Among everything else, Magic retires not from the NBA, not from professional basketball, but “from the Lakers.” Because there isn’t another team he would have ever played for.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iSfy4AhDDnw

I was 10 years old and went to soccer practice. I remember running laps before practice. The feeling of emptiness and the unknown when it came to a childhood idle is something I remember to this day. 

1: August 5, 2002 – Chick Hearn passes away. I’ll admit it. I cried. Chick was the greatest. For the first 21 years of my life, it was Chick and Vin. How lucky was I? I didn’t take the play by play guys by granted then and I still don’t. There will never be anyone like Chick. He was simply the best.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFBxNCiL7cw

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5J78OKgsyP8

Living in Florida, I moved a little slower that day. I went down to the park and watched a pickup basketball game for a while. I told myself I’d wait until I heard the group of athletic Caribbean ballers use 10 Chick-isms. Ten minutes later, I was on my way home. If you hear anyone talk about Chick who was ever around him, all they have to say are good things. I can’t help but think that Chick would straighten some fools out when it comes to the current lockout situation. We miss you Chick.

And if you know me, you know that’s a rare occurrence.

For those of you who don’t know, I’ll watch damn near anything sports-related.

Baseball? Yep.

Football? Only when there is a game on.

Hockey? It’s the coolest sport out there.

Soccer? Yeah, I’ve been known to partake more than the average bear.

I’ll even watch mostly live professional tennis, golf, and would even probably watch water polo or jai alai if they were on television more.

My yearning for more sports on television might have something to do with the fact that I have been “on the road” in a hotel room all but about 5 nights this month. Maybe it’s amazing that I haven’t been bored yet. Thank you baseball playoffs and football.

But there is a void looming on the horizon.

After a World Series travel day yesterday, tonight’s game is rained out.

The last two nights have been tough though. There aren’t any sports on TV.

Where is ESPN when I need them? The local Fox Sports Net affiliate isn’t doing anything for me either.

ESPN and the deuce are currently showing World Series of Poker and a generic  mid-week NFL show. Fox Sports Net has boxing. And I am officially Sports-TV bored.

I can’t help but think that the NBA is missing a golden opportunity here. The World Series hasn’t even ended yet, and already I am feeling a void. What will I watch? How will I get my sports entertainment fix.

NFL mid-week ESPN shows? Tired. I was sick of Chris Mortensen and Adam Schefter before the lockout ended. Why would I want to see more of them all week long?

World Series of Poker? If I’m going to be a degenerate gambler, I’d rather watch horse racing (also an option on Fox Sports Net during the week).

Without legitimate sports options, I’m left to cable television. Comedy Central and TBS are good times, but the next 6 weeks without the NBA will be sudden and impactful.

I think I may have to get Cal Poly season basketball tickets to give me my sports fix this winter. College hoops will certainly benefit from the pros sitting on the sidelines.

Of course, spending time reading, being outdoors in San Luis Obispo County, and finding other more productive hobbies are all legitimate options. And…

Wait. The Pan Am games are on ESPN 2? USA Basketball? Verses the Dominican Republic. Oh, and Big East College Football on ESPN?

What void?

I’ll get back to you.

—————————————–

Update: Watching the American players in the Pan Am games is worse than watching the NBA guys play International basketball. I can’t wait for November 6, when Cal Poly plays their first exhibition home game. College basketball will have its best overall season in three to four years and the longer the NBA lockout goes on, the more college hoops benefits. I’m going to go find a book to read…

Loco was back, so you know things started to spice up…

Enjoy!

The deal implies many things when it comes to both the future of the Lakers star and the NBA as a whole.

Long known as the game’s greatest stage and platform for players to both join the entertainment world and model their blacktop skills, the NBA seemingly is losing its footing from the Macro sense of things.

Multiple trends are engaging this proposition, evolving the professional experience for the American and international hoops star, and recreating the overall experience of professional basketball.

A league that long held its world grandeur by dangling mega guaranteed contracts, ultimately shot itself in the foot, endorsing poor performance in the regular season and distancing the athlete from the everyday fan.

This distance monetarily (the lack of need to earn a paycheck) has metaphorically created a class structure in the billion dollar industry… the player whom assumed his role as king; and the fan, the mediocre serf.

As the lockout wanes and the average fan loses regular season games and possibly the season as a whole, most NBA players are happily going about their lives atop a mountain of cushy livelihood.

To think many of the NBA stars can benefit from the lockout while the fan misses his or her favorite sport is a perfect sign of the times.

While the NBA wilts under the pressure of a two-sided Cold War, the rest of the world continues, hoping to upend the current worldwide favorite by manifesting its own million-dollar packages.

The money proposed by Virtus Bologne, is more money than Bryant has ever seen in the NBA.

Had he earned this type of money per game in a regular season schedule, the star would earn 82 to 164 million dollars a year.

This proves that the NBA IS NOT the only place where a player can earn more than enough money, receive hysterical praise and experience top tier competition.

Not only does Bryant get a nice chunk of offseason spending money, but hey, while he’s at it, the man could be playing a game in his own honor.

Who experiences this type of celebration before death?

Had it not been for scheduling problems with Italian television and the league schedule, Bryant very well could be swayed to waive goodbye officially to the NBA.

Making enormous plots of money is only one part of the European giant, as recent trends have also displayed just how good overseas players have become.

In the 2011 NBA draft, seven European/African-born players were drafted in the first round, three in the Top 10.

Recent NBA champions were led by the Dallas Mavericks‘ German-born Dirk Nowitski, and the San Antonio Spurs’ French man, Toni Parker.

For competitors like Bryant this is of the essence, as he continues to build his resume as one of the greatest athletes in world history.

Conquer America, check.

Conquer the world, check.

******

Historically, a league cannot bounce back after this fragmentation of trust.

The NBA had already survived the 1999 lockout but will not be able to withstand another. Eventually the fan will move on to other high tempo and enticing sport, leaving the league in a wake of dollar trailed dust.

An example of this came in 1994, when Baseball fell from the hands of grace. After the lockout, thegame America loved fell to the third spot in popularity.

This similar misstep by the NBA, mixed with exciting parody in this year’s MLB playoffs, logically propels baseball into the runner-up role behind the NFL.

Had the NFL continued their own lockout, baseball might have reclaimed its formal glory.

This proves just how brittle league-wide popularity really is, making one wonder whether or not we will see a surge in popularity for college hoops, the WNBA , American soccer, the NHL or pro tennis, in replace of pro basketball.

While the NBA works out the battle of the brats, we know the players lack the league pride to make a deal happen. We also are aware of the fact that overseas offers nearly everything the NBA can. And while we the fans wait for a deal to be worked out, one by one, slowly but surely, our hearts will become hard with cynicism, never to be captured again.

For Bryant and the rest of his NBA constituents, this seems to be an afterthought, an annoyance.

But for you and for me, it is the hard elements of reality.

Watching hopes crumble in a Hollywood (Hollyweird if you’re from Cali) fashion is best suited for an American TV landscape where reality is as popular as a colonoscopy.

Enter the surreal. Worlds where Jersey Shore and steroids are the barometers by which we judge the nature of reality.

The one year anniversary marking the Cavaliers messy fall from grace to that of NBA serfdom is not only a sour topic for its last remnants of fandom, but a juicy one as well.

LeBron James—the God turned dark satanic villain—is the caricature that never sleeps. In fact he is the group of spring breakers who party next door for the entire night: pounding the walls an bumping their jams. 

His desolation of a city is still inconceivable and for that unforgivable, not to mention, his new menage-twois in South Beach is a fornication of talent that is ripping apart the league at its seams.

This fuel for the fire, is a hot topic for sport pundits all across America. Alone James has altered the NBA world forever like a fault line moves the earth’s ecology.

Unfortunately, the organic evolution an NBA champion is now a distant memory for the multi-generational sports fan. For my father it is every reason why he is now more in tuned with a dog and pony show than that of the NBA Finals.

Last he checked the mid-thigh short was far too long, the mullet haircut and the Burt Reynolds mustache trend setting masterpieces and Slice the leader in pop.

But today, good luck finding an athlete whose shorts aren’t slung at the ankles, making a fortune on a series of linked sex tapes or masquerading on an MTV pop reality show.

For this reason alone, I am hopeful that an NBA lockout can help redirect a league that as been starring in a series of Lost. Every which way I turn there is a Tim Donoughy scandal or a new issue defacing the Lakers franchise with a picture of Lamar and Chloe Odom.

The guaranteed contract and the easy movements of the free agent, have defiled the puritanical originations of this great game. Making players work for their money not only holds them accountable, but quite honestly, weeds out the nay- sayers.

If Deron Williams cannot come to the table and arrange his life to help the greater good than I say go, go as far away as possible and never leave Turkey. Sorry Nets fans.

For Cavaliers fans I am eagerly hopeful. The Heatles were ousted by a Mavericks team of role guys, and their leader Dirk Nowitiski is a hardworking floor general with the genuine heart of a champion.

This is sweet revenge for fans that for seven years fell under the spell of LeBron James nicities. Happily, for an entire off-season they get to watch the star wallow in his defunct narcissism and mock his tainted legacy. 

If they are to redirect their own franchise it IS now or never. Sending away a player like J. J Hickson to the Kings for Omri Cassapi was a move in the right direction. Hickson is up for a max contract come next June, and to be honest, he reminded too many fans anyways of LeFraud.

His 13.8 points per game were a freckle on the vast expanse of what Gilbert and many upper management leads thought he was capable of. With the drafting of Tristan Thompson, it was a perfect ridding to head in a positive direction.

Yet this exodus is still in need of a little more magic.

Ridding the bloated contract of equally Hollywood adoring Baron Davis will be difficult but necessary. A player bobbing on 1/4 knee is without question unworthy of the 13 million dollars owed him next season.

His days of leading a team with an insatiable will to get to the hoop are long, long gone, and his oft-uncoachable attitude is grossly distasteful. Watching him come to camp over weight and sit with injuries in Los Angeles was bad enough. But what was worse, was what he did with his free time. 

While “rehabbing,” Davis was guest starring in multiple TV series. Hiring an agent in the process, Davis continued to work on his entertainment direction, while collecting a mega sized paycheck from the Clippers.

Sending the Hollywood cast-off to a playoff franchise in need of a new general or a back up point guard not only frees up cap space to sign free agents in the future but does away with an unneeded headache.

Entering, the number one pick Kyrie Irving, an unproven Coach K disciple, and the team at the least has a new face to adore. Though I am admittedly skeptical of the kid’s hype, I am enriched by his humility to the situation.

Not once has he self-aggrandized or touted his worthiness, but instead, smiled and acted happy at his fortune to play in one of the league’s greatest cities.

This interview on draft night proves the kid’s willingness to play as a part of a team and his desire to “fit in” with the organization. His kind-hearted nature and desire to look past the LeFraud pressures is worthy of recognition.

Most importantly he is extremely gifted. With a wonderful step back jump shot, skilled three point shooting and ability to get in the key for drop off passes to bigs, Irving is the right direction for a team looking to renew itself.

For the City of Cleveland and Dan Gilbert, a new sense of self could be emerging. On the horizon, just one year later, there are coming showers of hope.

Fresh off of one of the worst splits in NBA history, LeFraud will forever be in moral limbo rethinking his divorce from the city that loved him first. 

For the rest of us, and most importantly Cavs fans, clarity and vision are the very things to populate a 2nd anniversary, a revival with far more glory than the one that was here before.

For many of us, Summer means little to our fansmanship. As much as we try to appreciate America’s great past-time, Baseball is too slow and monotonous. We are seeking more than just an old timers’ game; more than five dollar English Leather cologne.

It is supposed to be the fun-time of the year. Many of us get time off of work to visit the world, sit on the beach, party with friends. Most importantly for us bachelors (and non-bachelors if we’re honest) the quadruple B’s are out in full force–blond, bronzed, bikini’d, bodies.

Head out to Avila Beach or Pismo for an hour and you will have plenty of memories by the time you’re done eye-surfing the summatime candy.

But hold on. Just hold up a bit. We don’t want to be creepers now do we? When you took the career job or said I DO, life took a turn for the better. Life was no longer a never-ending scene from Baywatch, and you are no longer David Hasselhoff and his abundantly woodsy chest.

Promiscuity is a bad bad word now, it will cause you to pull a groin or pat on tiger balm morning, mid-day, and night. It is not meant for us mature ones, but for the spry youngsters with a libido the size of Roseanne.

This my friends is no fun, I know. Yesterday I nearly pulled a hamstring on the stationary elliptical. I was trying to both watch ESPN and fake-run at the same time. Sounds easy enough, but nearing thirty, nothing has become easy. The “honey yes, honey of course, honey I will,” sorts of answers, are all that are easy. My life is a tedium glass house, I say no and the world comes crumbling down.

Summatime…

Remember playing ball nine to five on the blacktop with a few friends? It’s seventy five, a clear ardent blue coats the horizon, and the dead day just slumped on your shoulders with not a thing to do. Each one of your pretended for an eight hour period you were MJ, Scottie Pippen, Penny, Shaq, Larry Johnson, Zo, Grant Hill, or Hakeem.

Those were the days. Now, as a tax-paying citizen you’ve grown to resent the group I listed above. As you collect your unemployment from your poor paying teaching gig, your rose colored glasses including your young affair with believing in the impossible have slapped the basement of your life and crumbled into a million little pieces.

Summatime…

Relax, at some point all of us end up washed up. If an epic duo like Will Smith and DJ Jazzy Jeff could never produce anything more than their one-hit album, then trust me, you and I will be forced to scan, fax, make copies, and staple for a living.

But what Summatime foreshadows are feelings of freedom. Despite our limited free time and fading memories of running the black top with skinned knees and soda pop, we all have a place within us that can go there.

Who would of thunk watching men’s professional tennis could excite me like Pam Anderson’s bobbing twins used to? Now as an unemployed man I have the ability to depressingly relive the glory days and bring back the first loves of season: sports, sports, and more sports.

Yes, sports.

Currently, A-Rod is stepping closer and closer to Barry’s all-time home run mark, Tiger is trying to return to form and assume his rightful place as golf’s all-time greatest, and the best living tennis player is still playing at an extremely high level in Roger Federer. Not to mention on Sunday, Jeff Gordon won his 84th NASCAR race, ranking fourth all-time on the list and assuming at forty one, he may go down alongside Richard Petty as the greatest driver in World history.

All this and it’s Summatime. Some things to keep an eye this Summer as you either bum it or find the time in your hectic life to Tivo something. Keep an eye on the Boston Red Sox, who after starting the season 1-9, currrently own the second best record in Baseball and are on pace to be just the ninth team in league history to eclipse 1,000 runs scored in a season.

Watch A-Rod continue his climb to home run greatness, as he sits just thirty four shy of the great Willie Mays mark of 660 at fourth all-time.

The NBA draft on June 23rd is always an intriguing experience. For NBA fans, this not only can shape your future (think Boston in 07′ with the trades of both KG and Ray Ray), but offers a glimpse in the leagues future. This year the popular names are the tweeners, Jimmer Fredette of BYU and Kemba Walker of Uconn, both highly talented but not sure lottery choices as of now.

Normally the draft would be all fun and games. That is if there was not a looming NBA lockout. According to NBA analyst Charles Barkley, the owners are at a “point where they are going to try and break these players unions down.”

Like the NBA’s situation, the NFL lockout has to be the most intriguing situation for sports fans. Most of us wait the two dead  Summer months: June and July, for August when football training camps report and news regarding trades begin to swirl. As of now, both sides remain at a stall and the idea of living without football for many not only kills their Summer, but does away with Sunday beer drinking hoots around the tube. Now Church is the only sad option.

June gloom is definitely upon us. A marshmallow cloud bank over the Pacific does it justice. Not only are we concerned about our lack of freedoms living as grown adults but we also may have to live without two of our favorites next year. In order to keep the faith, now would be a good time watch Baywatch re-runs or finally take up those dance lessons.