Around the time I was beginning to understand the importance of the Olympic games, the great track star Carl Lewis was the biggest name on the block. I tuned in daily to the 1988 Olympics to see Lewis win his sixth career gold medal.

How sweet. How tear jerking. A young American inspired by one of his countrymen. It is the sort of story “Little House on the Prairie” and actor Michael London were great at. But hold on a second. Lewis’ epic run of glory ended rather bluntly. Let’s just say, like so many before and after him, Lewis thought he was more than just a track star. He attempted to belt the national anthem with sweet harmonies, but what occurred that night at a New Jersey Nets basketball game against Michael Jordan’s Bulls was downright deflating. The man was a miserable uneventful singer who gave Roseanne freaking Barr a solid run for her money.

I learned a good lesson that day: Do what you’re best at. If you don’t you look worse than a woman with the eyebrows of a broom.

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kU9XwcOIfI

Or

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=ru2BYd3c90w

?

And then I couldn’t leave this one out because it makes my point even more. Cuba Gooding Sr thinks he’s more than just the father of his famous son. Think again Sr.

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoraafZyJmU

I tuned in last night to watch the gazelle of a sprinter, Usain Bolt, glide to his record breaking gold in the 100 – meter sprint. The Jamaican moved with the softness of a feather over the course; his body built by bricks; the man adorned with the physique of a Roman God. Here’s to hoping he sticks to running and not some makeshift rap or r&b career. With a rock star name like Usain Bolt anything is possible, and that’s what scares me.

When trying to capture the overall implications of this most recent trade deadline, one needs to realize that there were a lot of risks taken and futures mortgaged. There hasn’t been a deadline similar to this in recent memory where so many superstars were swapped. Some trades could be honestly questioned. Some made complete sense. Some teams made out and some teams got taken for the proverbial ride. Let’s go ahead and delve into “who, to where, for what and why?”

The headline for months was the much hyped “Melo-drama,” as it was so cleverly described. We couldn’t see that one coming, could we? While ESPN’s Chris Broussard basically conjured the validity of a Carmelo Anthony for Andrew Bynum trade out of thin air, the real competition in the waning days for Anthony’s services was between New Jersey and New York.

It was much publicised that New Jersey was having significant talks with Denver up to about a month ago, when in a display of impatience, Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov nixed all talks between the two. They became the New Jersey “Nyets.” Most thought this was due to Denver simply needing more in return for an Anthony package than New Jersey was willing to give up. The truth of the matter may have been that Prokhorov finally saw the light and realized what was truly going on.

It had been blatantly obvious from day one of all trade discussion that Carmelo wanted to be a New York Knick. He is from New York and saw playing in the Mecca of basketball, Madison Square Garden, as a life-long dream. While the Nets have particular fan strongholds in the New York/New Jersey area, and even though they started vertical construction on their new Brooklyn Barclays Center three months ago, they are no competition for the Knicks as far as the brightly lit stage of the big city of dreams is concerned.

Prokhorov is no idiot. He is the 89th richest man in the world. You don’t find yourself at that level of wealth by getting played by 30-year old team presidents and general managers like Josh Kroenke and Masai Ujiri. He finally came to the realization that the Nuggets were only using trade discussions with his Nets as a leverage play against New York. If New York thought New Jersey was a player and had a legit shot to score Anthony, Denver could trade him to New York, where he was inevitably going to go anyway, for much less than they would have had New Jersey not been in the picture.

All of this front-office analysis aside, what does this trade do for the bottom line of buckets?

The Nuggets parted with a superstar in Anthony, as well as a serviceable point guard, albeit in the sunset of his career, in Chauncey Billups. The less newsworthy of these two players was a significant part of this deal. Billups still can hit big shots, is one of the best veteran leaders in the league, and will mesh with Knicks Coach Mike D’Antoni’s run-and-gun system almost instantly. New York also got throw-in forwards; Renaldo Balkman, who was originally drafted by New York in 2006, and Shelden Williams, whose only note of significance in his meager NBA career has been being the husband of WNBA superstar Candice Parker.  Quite a resume.

The Knicks parted with a young and improving point guard in Raymond Felton, as well as New York sociological attraction, Italian forward Danilo Gallanari. Also headed to the Rocky Mountains are roundly-skilled forward Wilson Chandler and big-man project Timofey Mozgov.

The Nuggets got a full hockey line, but the Knicks got a superstar, a championship-seasoned veteran and two expiring and insignificant contracts. While each team got a lot of what they needed for the point each franchise currently is in their overall process, the advantage still has to go to the Big Apple. A top five superstar is a top five superstar, especially packaged with a solid veteran point guard.  You trade what is needed to be able to acquire these two if you are the Knicks, even if you have to give up your right arm and your first-born to get them.

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A cornerstone and respected leader in this league, Jerry Sloan, retires? The longest tenured coach in the NBA just walks away after twenty-two seasons right in the middle of his twenty-third? Now that all-star point guard Deron Williams has been traded to New Jersey two weeks after this unpredicted turn of events, popular and reasonable belief can only consider two options as to why Sloan walked away. Either Williams did what he could to push Sloan out the door through open defiance simply out of his own choice, or the “bling” in his left ear that should belong on Kate Middleton’s finger whispered to do the same because old man Sloan was cramping his style. Either way, Williams played a part, and I have a feeling Jazz management and ownership saw the writing on the wall. The fact that Williams was going to become a free agent in 2012 only had something to do with his ousting. His attitude and arrogance is what ultimately got him shoved out the door and banished to one of the league’s worst situations.

Not only did Utah get to unload an egotistical malcontent, but they made out with the biggest trade deadline steal in recent memory. Williams may be arguably the most complete point guard in the NBA today, but he is still only one player. Last I checked, Deron Williams can’t pass the ball to Deron Williams.

In return for Williams, the Jazz received a solid point guard replacement in Devin Harris. They also acquired last year’s number two overall pick in the draft, twenty year-old potential-phenom forward, Derrick Favors. Giving up on this kid so soon is seemingly a display of impatient haste by the Nets, is it not?

What a great deal for the Jazz, given there was no way Williams was going to resign with Utah after next season, right? Well, that’s not all they got. Let’s toss in two first-round draft picks, one from the Nets and one from the Golden State Warriors.  Both of these picks could very well be lottery picks, given the foreseeable ineptitude of New Jersey and Golden State in the coming years. Wait, that’s not all? How bout three million in cash for the pocket as icing on the cake? A top ten to fifteen point guard, a number two overall pick who is twenty, two potential lottery picks, and cash?  For one player?  Feliz Navidad, Utah.

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In the most questionable move made when considering the implications of the real race for the ultimate prize this season, Celtics general manager Danny Ainge sent stalwart center Kendrick Perkins to Oklahoma City along with jitter-bug guard Nate Robinson. Wait, I thought Perkins getting hurt during last year’s finals was the sole reason you guys couldn’t get over on the Lakers, Danny?  He is supposedly that important to your team in crunch-time, yet he is this movable less than a year later? Sounds like that excuse back then was just a cry for a crutch, reminiscent of the squeaking from Paul Pierce’s wheelchair brakes. Yes, this trade has now proven that was in fact cow excrement you were smelling from the mouths of New Englanders after the Lakers were celebrating the spoils last year. How does your excuse look now, crybabies?

On the red-eye to the land of “chowdah” comes former Thunder forwards Nenad Kristic and Jeff Green. Green was originally drafted by the Celtics, and was then subsequently traded on a draft-day deal to the then Seattle Supersonics for Ray Allen. Ainge was obviously high on Green that draft, but when given the opportunity to add a sharpshooter like Allen to the centerpiece of Paul Pierce and at the time, recently signed free agent Kevin Garnett, he sold out.

While that move then ended up helping bring a championship to Boston in 2008, Ainge now making the deal for Green reeks of desperation, ego, and a chance at some sort of twisted “I told you so.” When you consider the thought-process of the idea behind the trade, Ainge claiming Green could be the heir-apparent to Kevin Garnett, what he gave up to be able to claim this possibility is borderline comical.  Ainge trading Perkins for Green because he kind of ‘reminds’ him of Garnett is the equivalent of Mitch Kupchak trading Andrew Bynum for Thaddeus Young because he kind of ‘reminds’ him of Lamar Odom. Way to go, Danny. This is the move that people will point to when you are forced out the door in a few seasons.

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As the schedule continues, unflappable to the time needed to digest all the recent changes in the league-wide chemistry, the positioning for playoff seeding will obviously become more heated than it has been to this point. Now comes this very segment we have all been debating for months, and with the shock of these recent moves, questions instantly arise:

Can the Lakers ‘flip the switch’ and make child’s play of the Western Conference like in recent years past?

Is the Spurs’ chase-rabbit record really who they are?  Did regular season records do anything for the Cavaliers the past two seasons? Can unproven playoff role-players like George Hill, Dejuan Blair and Gary Neal become championship-level counterparts?

Does Dallas still even have a seat at the Western Conference table?  Are they to be taken as a serious threat?

Is the addition of Kendrick Perkins the much needed ingredient of inside presence the Thunder need to be an actual and legitimate player in the Western Conference shakedown?

Can the defensive blockade Tom Thibodeau’s Bulls are displaying carry them up to the level of the Eastern Conference elite, and most importantly, carry them in a seven-game series?

Are Dwight Howard and Stan Van Gundy’s mess of wing players even relevant as we come down the finish line?

Will Danny’s Ainge’s ego in trying to prove he was right about Jeff Green cost the Celtics a realistic chance at the title in their now dwindling years near the top? I know this much for sure, Laker and Heat fans are ecstatic about the loss of Kendrick Perkins. The Lakers now hold a distinct size advantage and the Heat now don’t have such a size discrepancy against Boston.

And lastly, as far as the Heat, will the most gravy-trained collection of elite stars in recent memory topple the naysayers? Will they reach The NBA Finals in their first try at conceived and orchestrated glory? Good luck big three. You’re going to have to drag your dirty-dozen along with you en route to a title. The bricks of Mike Miller and James Jones are building a structure of mediocrity thus far for the level of overall talent you have boasted. The Heatles? Give me a break, “King.” Win something, then talk. I’ve never heard of a King who doesn’t have a crown, you paper champ.

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Questions and vemon aside, when all is said and done, the choices made and paths sought at this deadline will effect these upcoming moves as much as they will effect numerous moves down the road. Some teams played for now and some teams played for later.  Playoff-time reveals destiny, and the free will of the trade deadline move-makers plays a major role in the fate of the actual move-makers on the court.  Now that the trade deadline has come and gone, the time to really make your move is upon us.

The hyped hoopla of the NBA all-star break is long gone (thank God). Now as we push through the final eight weeks of NBA regular season play, it is fitting to look forward to the postseason.  This article is as objective as possible. What I mean by this, is that no matter how much I hate the Lakers(this is true..want to be honest), they are a legitimate champion with the fire power to win championships for the next two to three years.

Before I continue with the rankings, I want to answer some of the questions the average fan has mused over this season:

1) Are we seeing the decline of Kobe Bryant? Yes and No. Kobe is 32. Whether we want to admit it, the guy has played professional hoops for fourteen years.  There has been a lot of wear and tear on the knees, which can be atributed to the lack of lift on his jumpshots, explosions toward the hoop, and that tired look in the closing stretches of big games. Nonetheless we are talking about one of the greatest this league has ever seen, and like MJ or Magic, Kobe is smart and should be able to find ways to turn it on come playoff time.

2)  Can the Heat beat the elite teams (top 5)? It should be noted that as of today, the Heat are 0-6 against the top five teams in the NBA.  Yet I think we can all admit that when a lineup boast the likes of Bron, Wade, and Bosh, the likelihood of that zero remaining in the win collumn come playoff time, is a silly assertion.

3) Is a power shift occuring from West to East? Yes. The East is the strongest it has been in quite sometime with the “mighty 3” in Miami, a healthy Boston, Chicago’s flowering from young promise to seasoned reality, Atlanta’s firepower, Orlando’s depth, and now, the rebirth in New York.  I believe that the biggest shift is occuring with the Knicks resurgence. Two superstar faces like Amare Stoudemire and Carmelo Anthony joining the Eastern Conference not only enhances the Knicks as a team, but switches some popularity from West to East. Not to mention the trade of Deron Williams to the Nets, continues in a trend of big name stars exiting  the Western Conference.  The West from seeds 6-8 in the postseason is still legitimately stronger, but that gap is closing.

NBA Rankings

1. L.A. Lakers (40-19): I know, I know, this seems cliche. But like the Bulls dominated stretches in the 90’s, the Lakers have been nearly as dominant in the 21st century’s first decade. The last ten years the Lakers have won five titles, been in seven finals, and are built with a team now that can find ways to win come playoff time. This year’s team has underachieved, no doubt.  Yet how dominate is a team that underachieves at 40-19? They remind me of the first three-peat Bulls team that limped to a 57-25 finish and a #2 seed in the East. No Kobe is not Michael, but Michael never had the likes of Pau, Odom, Artest, and Bynum.

2a. Boston Celtics (41-15): This team wins when it matters most.  This is the best this team has looked in three years, as each of their “big-3” are healthy and playing the best ball of the season. Pierce has increased his shot production–which was down the last two years–attributing to his increase in points per night by nearly two. Allen is smooth as silk and KG is playing with the fire necessary to drive this unit. Add in dime dropping Rondo, a somewhat motivated Shaq, bench sparks like Big Baby, and this team will be tough to beat at home this postseason.

2b.San Antonio Spurs (47-10): The most fad and cliche pick this season is San Antonio. Why? Their dominate start at 47-10, does not spell championships.  Having three guys like Duncan, Parker, and Ginobili leading the way is huge. They have won three titles in the Century’s first decade, and have the poise necessary to help their young stars stay calm in the postseason. At the same time, this team has relied on the thirty three year old Ginobili like never before. With Duncan having his least productive scoring season of his career (13.6), the Spurs have become more of a run n’ gun team with isolation sets for the aging Ginobili. Ginobili has been brittle for most of his career, which scares me come playoff time. But with Pop at the helm,  three guys hungry for their fourth ring, and the best record against the top ten teams this season (.688),  I have to give them the cred necessary.

3. Miami Heat (42-16):  If this was a ranking for most intriguing and dramatic, then the Heat would rank atop this list.  The league learned a huge lesson in 2004, when the Lakers, boasting the likes of Shaq, Kobe, Malone, and Payton, lost to a group of role guys — the Pistons. The inconsistency of this method makes me question whether or not the Heat’s big three will know when and where to demote their shot to one another. I also wonder whether or not the lack of a post presence will burn them when facing a team that plays tough perimeter defense.  Who scores inside? Until that is answered, I cannot in good faith put a team with no post presence and an 0-6 record against the top 5 teams at the top of this list.

4.Chicago Bulls (39-17): The Bulls are like a wine that has finally fermented to a perfect age. Plenty of tannin: 3rd in team defense, Robust flavors: increased scoring, Flowering nose: go to guy like Derick Rose, and Complexities: better depth–Boozer, Deng, Noah, Brewer. The ascension of Derick Rose from semi-star to a top 3 point guard in basketball, has legitimized the Bulls come playoff time with a serious scorer who has the ability to put this team on his back. When you add in a healthy Boozer (19.9 pts a night), and the comeback of defensive minded Joakim Noah, this team has the components to challenge anyone. The addition of Carlos Boozer has given the Bulls a legitimate 2nd scorer and the post offense they have lacked the last three years.  One concern? 25-4 at home, but just 13-13 on the road.

5. Dallas Mavericks (41-16): This is where things get murky.  I know the Mavs are arguably the most disappointing franchise of this Century’s first decade. Their collapse against the #8 seed Warriors in the 1st round of 2007 still lingers in many peoples minds. But this is not 2007. The Mavs have the 2nd best record against the ten best teams in the league, 4th best against the top five. They are the most balanced team at Home (22-8) and Away (19-8), which means they can beat anyone, anywhere. They are in the top-5 defensively and can score, ranking top-10 offensively. Add in a winner like Jason Kidd, a go to guy like Dirk, sparks like Marion, Terry, and Stojakavic, and this team realistically could make a deep run in the playoffs.

6. Oklahoma City Thunder (36-20): The trade for Nate Robinson and Kendrick Perkins from Boston, gives the Thunderdepth on their bench and solidifies a struggling defense. With Perkins now in the front court, the Thunder can defend any big in the postseason. One question though, is who scores besides Durant and Westbrook? Trading Jeff Green to the Celtics, proves the Thunder were not willing to continue giving  the underachieving Green a shot. Yet without Green, the Thunder will look for scoring from Jeff Harden, who has yet to develop into the scorer we thought he would be in the pros.  At the same time, this team thrives on defense. Their dip in this area is the reason for the trade and should re-center them defensively come postseason. Not to mention they are confident, after nearly knocking off the #1 seed Lakers last season in the 1st round.

7. Orlando Magic (36-22): It seems the Magic are once again lost in la la land. After losing in 1995  to the Houston Rockets in the NBA Finals, the Magic splintered and went into a fourteen year drought. Now nearly two years later since losing to the Lakers in the Finals, the Magic are the worst they have been in three years. They are still very good defensively (top 5) , but struggle offensively at times. Why? Their reliance upon the defensive-minded Dwight Howard proves such. Despite Howard’s career year (22.4 pts), the Magic are scoring nearly seven points lower this season and shooting the three-point shot eight percent lower than last season. Attempting to run a post offense has never been who this team is; a run and gun, fast paced, three point shooting team. Incredibly deep, it seems the Magic are deep with the wrong players: shoot first, oft injured point guards in Gilbert Arenas and Jameer Nelson, a one-hit wonder forward in Turkoglu, and an erratic scorer in J-Rich. I argue that the move for Vince Carter a year and a half ago set this team back a few years.

8. Portland Trailblazers (32-25): Despite Brandon Roy’s banged up body, the Blazers continue to stay afloat with great defense (top 7), an emergent star in Lamarcus Aldridge, and a group of roll guys like Rudy Ferndandez, Andre Miller, Nicolas Batum, Wesley Mathews and Marcus Camby.  They are tough to beat at home, and play with a poise necessary to win tough games on the road in the postseason. The trade for Gerald Wallace from Charlotte, should take pressure off of Roy offensively and gives the Blazer another  facet on a dangerous unit.

9. Atlanta Hawks (34-23): It seems every year, we wait for the Hawks to become a dominate force in the Eastern Conference. This year is not the year. Once again, they are a middle of the pack team with the elements  to beat anybody. The trade for Hinrich from the Wizards is silly, considering they lose a talented veteran point guard in Mike Bibby for a disappointing, aloof point guard in Hinrich. Nonetheless a lineup withguys like  Joe Johnson, Josh Smith, Al Horford, and a bench with the likes of super- sub Jamal Crawford, gives this team the ability to beat much of the top teams comes postseason. Unfortunately ability is not reality, and I don’t think Joe Johnson is right star to lead them to greatness.

10. New Orleans Hornets (34-25): Yes the Hornets are renewed after their disappointing 09-10 season. But they still lack a true post presence with the a more defensive minded Emeka Okafor. Disappointments like Trevor Ariza, have caused the Hornets to take a step back offensively, after being one of the top teams two years ago.  The leagues top team defensively, the Hornets cause a bunch of turnovers and can get in the open floor. Chris Paul and David West drive this team, but they lack the cohesiveness on offense to make a  run.

11. Memphis Grizzlies (32-27): I love this team. They are still two years away from really competing. But when you boast a lineup with a star in Rudy Gay, an up- and- coming point guard in Mike Conley, a front court with two tough nosed guys in Zack Randolph and Marc Gasol, you’re destined to be really good.  I like the Battier trade, because it further strengthens their defensive prowess and gives them the veteran necessary come playoff time.

12. New York Knicks (29-26): The Carmelo trade makes things interesting out East. Melo gives this team the star wing player they’ve been lacking. Add in a veteran winner like Chauncey Billups, and return- to- dominance Amare Stoudamire, and this team has the trio necessary to bounce a higher seed early. The Knicks are my definite dark horse come playoff time.

13. Utah Jazz (31-27): Did I like D-Will in Utah blue? Absolutely. Do I think the Jazz made out well in the trade? Yes. I am never a proponent, as most of you aren’t, for sending your franchise guy in a flash trade. But the Jazz got a looming star point in Devin Harris, a project talent in Derrick Favors, two first round picks, and a nice pod of  three million. With bigs’ like Al Jefferson, and Paul Milsap, this team has the players to compete for the next five years.

14. Philadelphia 76ers (28-29): The Sixers are balanced: middle pack offensively and defensively. They have an exciting crowd pleaser in Andre Igoudala, and a nice blend of veterans–Elton Brand, with young talents–Thad Young. No point guard, and the disappointing rookie season of Evan Turner have this team looking on the outside in when it comes to seriously competing.

15. Phoenix Suns (28-27): Steve Nash just gets better and better with age. But who are we kidding? You have no shot when it comes to tired and old Vince Carter, and shoot first role guys like Channing Frye and Jared Dudley. And why trade for another bomber in Aaron Brooks?

16. Denver Nuggets (34-25): “Who needs Melo?”. Okay Denver, I loved that chant last night in a win over Boston. But…you went in the opposite direction with a trade that brought you an nonathletic wing in Galinari and a me-first wing in Chandler.  Your two central figures for the future should be Felton and Nene.

17. Golden St Warriors (26-30): The Warriors will not make the playoffs. And I don’t think the more you shoot the more you win. Except for Monta Ellis and Steph Curry, this team is awash in no-namer raw talents.

18. Indiana Pacers (26-30): What is the hype with Indiana? I cannot figure it out. Collison is not a franchise point guard, and just because you have a seven footer in Roy Hibbert averaging 13.3 pts, 9.0 reb, does not mean you are going in the right direction. Is it just me, or is the streaky shooting Danny Granger becoming the most overpaid wing in hoops?

19. Houston Rockets (28-31): This team is multi-talented and can win without a guy like Yao. But that was when they had a point guard–trading Aaron Brooks to the Suns for Goran Dragic is silly, and a wing like Ron Artest. I also think the trade of Battier to Memphis is perplexing, considering Battier was their defensive heart and soul. Sorry Scola, you are now stuck in a bad situation.

20. Los Angeles Clippers (21-37): Finally this team is going in the right direction, with two franchise players in Eric Gordon and Blake Griffin. Ditching Baron for Mo Williams and JamarioMoon was smart. Davis was overpaid and screwed with the Clippers chemistry. Watch out next year, when they get Chris Kaman back from injury and gel for an entire off-season.

21. Charlotte Bobcats (25-32): They start Kwame Brown–nuff’ said.

22. Milwaukee Bucks (22-35): I am a fan of the Bucks. They are a team of role guys who make it happen. Things caught up to them this season with the injury to Bogut and Jennings innability to rise into a star point.

23. Detroit Pistons (21-38): Hey,  how bout them Tigers?

24. Toronto Raptors (16-42): All I can say is that I like Calderon and their young prospect DeMar DeRozen.

25. New Jersey Nets (17-40): Things in Jersey are sad. Yes they just acquired Deron Williams from the Jazz, but they gave away their entire team doing it.

26. Minnesota Timberwolves (13-45): I know it sounds far-fetched but this team does have three good pieces to build around in Kevin Love, Michael Beasley, and Johnny Flynn.

27. Washington Wizards (15-41): The only bright side to things is that I truly believe John Wall will be a top five point guard in two years.

28. Sacramento Kings (14-41): Tyreke….ahhhhhhhhh…how can a multi-talented guy like you play so awkward?

29. Cleveland Cavaliers (10-47): It is comical when your biggest franchise face is Baron Davis. Bron Bron–bad on you.

Most Valuable Player: LeBron James over Derick Rose, though my heart believes it is Rose’s to win this year. Imagine the Bulls without Rose. Now imagine the Heat without James. Nonetheless it is more economical for the league to give James his third MVP in a row.

Rookie of the Year: Can you say Mr. Griffin in L.A.? Wow.

Most Improved Player: Roy Hibbert, C, Indiana Pacers. Numbers have doubled from last season, and he is now considered an up-and-coming franchise center.

Coach of the Year: Gregg Popovich. Hard to argue with his team’s 47-10 start, considering they hardly cleared 50 wins the last two years. Their evolution proves Pop’s ability to quickly route a franchise into the right direction.

Playoff Darkhorse Eastern Conference: New York Knicks. It will be interesting to see if this team gets into a four v five matchupin the first round. With Melo, Amare, and Billups, they have the veterans and star power to surprise someone.

Playoff Darkhorse Western Conference: Portland Trailblazers. They fly under the radar because of the injury to Brandon Roy. But this team has enough without a healthy Roy to upend a conference elite. With Aldridge playing like he is, and the addition of Gerald Wallace, the hard nosed Blazers could make some noise come playoff time.

Finals Prediction: It will be an L.A. Lakers v. Boston Celtics rematch. Boston will have home court, which is huge. Series goes seven. I say it is a toss up. What do you think?

In the 90’s, the term “doggy-style” was just the name of Snoop Dogg’s first album. Hip-hop’s stay in society was creating an “us vs. them” complex for the conservative right, looking to platform these artists as leaders of moral decay. Homosexuality was still a taboo, a group of faceless people hiding with their sin in the streets of San Francisco. Not to mention, human rights, things like gay marriage, and respect for others sexual preferences were dismissed by the media and politics. In the decade, America was fat and prosperous, looking at its lowest unemployment in forty years.

Why upset the apple cart?

Game two of the 1991 NBA Finals, between the Bulls and Lakers, saw  Michael Jordan caress fans with a stunning switch hand lay up between three Laker defenders. The moment was followed perfectly by Marv Albert’s military toned, “What a spectacular move by Michael Jordan.”

But Mr. Albert, not so spectacular on your end of things. In 1997, the man known as the “voice of basketball,” the lead broadcaster for six super bowls, NBA finals, and Stanley Cups, was caught acting sexually bizarre, with a pair of pantie-hose, and a biting lust for women’s butt-cheeks–when his forty-two year old mistress turned the great into Virginia authorities, for forcibly sodomizing her (this charge was dropped), then biting her rear-end twenty plus times.  Albert denied the story, yet his DNA was found embedded in the skin of her butt. Wow.

At the time TBN, with its zealously bad dressed prophets, held as much value as the president’s State of the Union Address.  Literature was the same (see Harry Potter), as Christians aimed their attacks at books of magic, one of which the Harry Potter series for its use of what they called “witchcraft” . At the time, vampires were  dark-demonic mythical figures, distancing society from God, and courting women with sexual explicitness. Interview with the Vampire, the biggest vampire hit of the 90’s, starring Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt, attempted to use pretty actors and actresses, to paint the line between both good and dark.  Yet the film ended as expected, embodying the vampires as the demons most people saw them as. Because of this, Albert was dead in the water. He’d done many things wrong, but the biting of the butt, in a culture full of missionary positioned lovers, was like putting the noose around your neck, then kicking the chair from your feet. See Marv Albert’s mug shot.

Fifteen years later, America has become more pastor’s kid, than we are pastor. We are now the rebellious religious: re-interpreting scripture, philosophy, sexuality, and gender. We have odd groups walking our streets. One of these groups, the Furries,  get-off dressing like bunnies and bears in public places, before going on to have orgies with their mask on.  We have groups of dark-hooded vampires, wearing cheep Thrifty’s teeth, with Heinz sauce dribbling from the edge of their lips. And gay parades where men dress as women and women dress as men. Why? The cultural norm has changed. Living in a post-modern society, America’s principles are up for interpretation.  We have grown more concerned with human rights, than we have with an infallible Christian principle.

Currently, our cultural pop icons include: “Snookie,” “The Situation,” “Jenna Jameson,” “Chris Brown,” and “Robert Pattinson.” Robert Pattinson? A fairly quiet natured British actor, with school boy dimples, a feminine body, and perfectly bad hair? Yes. Pattinson’s leading role in the hit movie series Twilight has taken over the entertainment world, and evolved America’s perspective of vampires forever. It is now sexy to stare at a person’s neck like a drunk pervert in a Tijuana bar, lust over their blood, and eat live animals in the forest.  Sexual taboo is more “yahoo,” pushing and molding the bounds of the tech world.

Try sitting in any Twilight movie (yes I admit to it, forced, but admit to it), and not at least five hundred times, hear the “ahh, so cute” each moment Pattinson’s character Edward Cullen admits to wanting to tear the neck off his human girlfriend Bella. Then comes the werewolf Jacob to the rescue. Whether he’s the buffed out Native American kid, or the wolf (literally), the pre-teen eleven-something’s (disturbing I know) whistle and dream of dating the wolf clad furry.

It’s all so disturbing. Escapades in hotel rooms, dressing in panty-hoes, and biting the butt of your lover sounds more like the missionary now, then it did hellish then. I am not going to pretend Albert did not have sex with his mistress, nor deny his love for interesting sexual experiences. Men will be boys, always, forever, no matter how much we attempt to not be so. Every one of us has a memory of scoping out one of his grade school teachers (Ms. Hill), hoping to catch a view up her mini skirt.

So who are we to judge? Maybe the pleasure of soft panty-hoes frees the bondage of the soul, furthering our exploration into manhood. Okay not really. Marv whatever floats it floats it.  I will say that I feel for you, as you did a sexual act at the time, more explicit then some of Diggler’s earlier films.  Because of this you were crucified and torn apart by a media searching for “criminals” like you. But what if Twilight swapped decades with Interview with the Vampire? How would the cultural change have affected your career?

Pattinson’s character, Edward Cullen, has taken over the pop and fashion worlds. His skinny jeans with the tight v-neck t-shirt and the stubble baby chin are seen as this era’s sexy. When things become the “sexy”, they become the cultural norm, thus giving the most popular culture the power to sway behavior. The persona of each form of “sexy” whether it be rock-star, model, preppie, or hippie, causes people to role-play for most of their lives. We know it is this, with a derivative of entertainment, that continually evolves and re-interprets things.  Interview with the Vampire did just this, pushing the boundaries between good and evil. The use of Pitt and Cruise, two sex icons, beautified the mythical being, who had been terrorized throughout its inception, as a metaphorical figure of sin.

Yet unfortunately when things get popular, the minority leaders economically (moguls, wall street execs, and political figures) grow in popularity as well. At that point, popularity is not truly the “popular.” It becomes a representation of the Aristocratic minority,  those in charge of the popular entities, with the power to dictate society’s direction through finance and the use of their celebrity. This causes issues in society, when large masses of people believe they are the ones changing things, when in fact they are only those buying the products that are governed by a few men or women manipulating things in their favor. Which is exactly the reason Interview with the Vampire ended with the half-rotted face of Cruise, courting the old way; a Christian approach to things that demonizes abnormalities. It was as if entertainment wished to skate the moral fence of society, but backed off in time to get the earnings necessary for the film.

Twilight on the otherhand, has not done this. In fact, it has done everything opposite to this. Its creative beauty is seen in its demonstration of the raw reality, that love can overcome oddities.  Pattinson’s character admits early on that he wishes to suck Bella dry. That his lust is not in fact sexual, rather an obsession with the smell of her blood.  And yet she does not attempt to stake his heart, nor run from him, but rather grows fond of the social outcast and learns to love him, taboos and all. This is the evidence of our cultural shift. America is learning to embrace its differences.

Which argues, with a bit more Pattinson, we get to have a bit more Marv. With a cultural swap, Twilight for Interview with the Vampire, his breaking story in the late nineties would pale in comparison to Egypt, homosexual rights, and Iraq. It would get squelched sooner in the mainstream media, salvaging Albert’s name, and allowing his career to stay afloat. The case wouldn’t have led to his firing, after twenty years with NBC, shaping the NBA media forever. Five years after his firing, NBC lost its contract with the NBA, to CBS and ESPN due to poor ratings. Which leads one to wonder, whether or not their ratings would of sky-rocketed, with a cultural shift, retaining the outside- the- box sexual forerunner Albert’s . Without this exchange, reality hit hard. Their central voice (Albert) had taken a nose-dive as a broadcaster, and jumped ship to TNT, hoping to gain ground as a Prime Time voice again. His departure opened doors for greats like Bob Costas, but even this hit hard, as Costas grew in fame, and went on to bigger and better things with companies like HBO. Had Pattinson been around in the 90’s swooning girls, re-interpreting things sexually, causing revolution, Albert’s vampire ways could of been less severe, not to mention fun, from his mistress’s perspective. This means NBC would  still be the NBA’s media source, Albert’s arguably the greatest broadcaster alongside the late Chick Hern, and Costas still a strong go-to-half time voice. Without Pattinson, Albert caught his mistress off-guard. His antics were too out there, too boundary breaking. As were Snoop’s, when he blared popular media with the term “doggy style;” a description many married and unmarried men thank him for today.

With the culture swap, I imagine the conversation goes a bit like this:

Marv: Hoes, ahh, plenty of pantie hoes, so soft, so velvet, so furry; just great.

Mistress: Yes, my love, this time wear the teeth.

Marv: What a spectacular (with authority, Jordan moment-esque) idea!

Mistress: You mean move? (Snickers, as she relates his Jordan moment to the evening)

Marv: (Places teeth in his mouth, wearing pink underwear, high heels, and horse hooves on his hands) Ever seen this before?

Mistress: No, but oh, so outside the box Edward, you know how I love Edward, but have always wished he was both vampire and horse.

Marv: Learned in T.J. Just kidding (winks).

Mistress: No you are not. (She smiles)

Instead, Albert’s co-worker in the art of escapades was ex-president Clinton, who was more into cigar dipping than he was into changing the culture’s perspectives on sexuality. Edward Cullen was the sexual savior, but fifteen years too late. As for Marv, now the current voice of the New Jersey Nets, he and Clinton were two men alone, lambasted for their abnormal behaviors. Due to this, Albert has become more of a front-man for maschochism and sexual addiction than he has the game of basketball.

Take a cruise on a Thursday night in downtown San Luis Obispo. Surrounding you are thirty something families, with children under five, taste testing strawberries, listening to music, eating great food. It is all so peaceful and sensational. Vendors are kindly offering their products to a culture of people in the middle to upper middle class economically, so the environment is void of stress, void of fear.  Yet, take a good look. Wade past the high school jocks, with their emaciated blond girlfriends tied to their fifteen inch biceps. Stare a bit. Ignore the girl who calls you a weird pervert, as you stare past her. What you’ll see is both real, and odd. The wolf dancing with the children tugging at his/her hand, is not like a Disney character taking a picture with children. Trust me.

–Luke Johnson