Every NBA offseason it seems that at least one star player changes teams and the 2014 offseason shouldn’t be any different. While not technically being free agents, many people expect Carmelo Anthony and LeBron James to opt out of their current deals and perusing other options. Like a lot of people, I expect LeBron to stay with the Miami Heat regardless whether or not they three-peat as champions. Carmelo on the other hand may have other ideas than to stay with the New York Knicks past this season.

Many Laker fans are hoping Carmelo brings his talents across the country this coming offseason. By Keith Allison, via Wikimedia Commons

Carmelo has said that what has happened this season disgusts him and seems to be very disappointed. The latest news in the Knicks season is that they have signed the Zen Master himself, Phil Jackson, to a position with the team overseeing basketball operations. Some think this is a ploy by the Knicks in order to persuade Carmelo to stay in New York rather than leave. But, the question remains, what should Carmelo Anthony do this coming off-season, assuming he opts out of his contract?

Many teams have been linked to Carmelo but the two teams with the best chance of landing the star are probably the Chicago Bulls and Los Angeles Lakers, with the Bulls being the best option.

Chicago already has pieces on their team that could piece together to be a championship team and adding a scorer like Carmelo could enhance their offense. If — and it’s a BIG if — Derrick Rose could just stay healthy, he and Carmelo could become a dynamic duo in the NBA for years. Anthony would fit-in perfectly with the Bulls as their starting small forward, but in order to make that happen the Bulls would need to make some costly but necessary cuts. Also there is a question of whether Carmelo is ready to step into the house that Michael built and lead the Bulls back to glory? I’m not so sure that he is ready for that despite him being in the league for over ten years now.

Another team that Carmelo could land with is the Lakers, which would make the 2014 season hugely intriguing. The Lakers season has fallen so flat this season. Teaming Carmelo up with Kobe Bryant along with their supposed lottery pick for Bryant’s’ last run at a sixth title could be very successful. Kobe and Carmelo are friends with much respect for one another and that has proven to be successful in this league in places like Miami and Boston. While Kobe and Carmelo are not James and Wade, the duo could turn out to be a scary scoring duo for opposing teams.

Like most off-seasons, this one promises to be entertaining. Even with the addition of Phil Jackson, I believe that Carmelo Anthony is as good as gone from the Knicks. If I have to predict where he would land as of right now, I would say the Lakers. It makes sense for both the Lakers and Carmelo; plus it will give Kobe a successor to hand the team over to once he finally retires. While I’m not sure it would be the best thing for the team in the long-term, I expect to see Carmelo be the next star to don the famous purple and gold jersey come next season.

Recently the Los Angeles Lakers made a coaching change from defensive minded Mike Brown to offensive powerhouse coach Mike D’Antoni. While Phil Jackson was rumored to be the favorite and frontrunner for the vacant coaching position, Lakers management decided to go in a different direction and choose D’Antoni.

Mike D’Antoni has his work cut out for him as the floor general in the win-or-bust culture of the Los Angeles Lakers. Thank goodness he doesn’t have to deal with Smush Parker or Kwame Brown. By malingering (http://www.flickr.com/photos/malingering/100354196) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

The buzz around the NBA is that the Laker players are all bummed about the non-hiring of Phil Jackson. Can D’Antoni get the job done? While people question D’Antoni, they also forget that from 2004-2008, he was one of the most highly-regarded coaches in the league, leading the Phoenix Suns to either the first or second seed in the Western conference each year. He and the Suns never went to the finals or won a title but he also didn’t have the players for it. Now, in Los Angeles, he is re-united with two-time MVP Steve Nash and the future looks bright.

As it has been shown in his last few years in New York, the other main player that D’Antoni had while in Phoenix, Amare Stoudemire is more of a liability in D’Antoni’s system than a star player. D’Antoni now has Nash again but also has a mixture of other great players. D’Antoni has never coached anyone like Kobe Bryant and he also now has something that he never did in either Phoenix or New York — a dominant center. Dwight Howard is considered the best center in the NBA and he is playing alongside Pau Gasol, who D’Antoni believes is the most skilled big man of his generation. He is an Amare Stoudemire-type player, but better. Pau might not be as dominant and physical but he can score like Stoudemire and can shoot better. The combination of these four players, not to mention the crazy, yet loveable, Metta World Peace puts D’Antoni into a good place as a coach just with his starting lineup.

Since D’Antoni is known as an only offensive coach, questions have surfaced about the Lakers once vaunted defense. Howard and Bryant both have sterling defensive credentials, though, and I think the defense will be just fine. The best defense is a good offense and that is something that the Lakers will surely have. The bench play has been lackluster thus far this season, so with D’Antoni’s system it really can’t get any worse. D’Antoni is clearly stating guys’ roles, which should help the bench guys. He told Jody Meeks the only good shot he should be taking is when he has the ball.

The Fact Of The Matter

The Lakers management showed that they were serious about the post-Phil era by hiring both Mike Brown and now Mike D’Antoni. I guess they decided to see how a defensive minded coach would work for them and since that “failed,” and I strongly use the quotation, now they look to an offensive minded coach to see if that can turn things around in Laker land. While I would have loved to see a return from Phil Jackson, D’Antoni was the next best option that the Lakers had and I expect the Lakers to still contend for a championship and ultimately make the finals.

But, as D’Antoni said himself, “If we’re not at least in the hunt [for a championship], a serious hunt, then I’ve failed as a head coach. I’m comfortable with that.” D’Antoni realizes that he is no longer in Phoenix or New York where failure to win a title and just making the playoffs can be considered a sign of good things to come but he is now in Los Angeles, with the most storied franchise in NBA history, where failure is not an option.

Mike D’Antoni accepted the Lakers job this week, replacing the fired Mike Brown. While he is coming off of knee surgery, D’Antoni will take “at least a few days to acclimate himself,” according to this Yahoo! report.

What happened with Phil Jackson and how should Lakers fans feel about it?

Phil didn’t just want money. He wanted control over personnel. He and Jim Buss do not get along and reports of him wanting to humiliate Buss have been published. As a Lakers fan, I have mixed feelings about the whole volatile situation. If all the Lakers wanted was the best option to actually compete for and win a title, then the choice was Jackson — travel restrictions or not. If it happened, the Lakers calling Jackson up at midnight on Sunday night/Monday morning to tell him they were going with Mike D was at-best weird and at-worst was completely indicative of a poor decision-making process that could take the Lakers into the abyss.

Bill Plaschke’s feelings were not mixed. An excerpt from his take below.

Short of a larger ownership slice than the 4.5% that Magic Johnson was once allowed to buy, Jackson was worth every bit of the Lakers’ time, money and pride. That Jimmy Buss suddenly turned to a quirky offensive mind with a losing playoff record and smoldering New York Knicks wreckage on his resume makes it seem as though Buss was angrily running from Jackson.

In a world where I was omnipotent, I would put Phil Jackson in the role of Pat Riley and make Jim Buss let him have total basketball control. I think Jackson would be fantastic in that role for the next 3-5 years at-least. I would rather have Jackson as a coach and future GM or President over Jim Buss’ helter-skelter decision-making any day. It was Buss who had a big say in the Mike Brown hiring and is already eating his words. My perception is that Jim Buss doesn’t work well with Mitch Kupchak and that, given to much latitude by his father, he could turn into an early-80’s version of George Steinbrenner — making crazy management choices based on keeping the team relevant that end up being to the detriment of everyone. Unfortunately, I’m not omnipotent.

Mike D’Antoni will have pressure to win this year in Los Angeles. By [1] Matt Hickey (Flickr: PA224170_1) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

All that being said, I don’t think Laker fans can be disappointed in the D’Antoni signing.

My name’s Mike D’ and I gets respect…

Mike D’Antoni is a clear upgrade from Mike Brown. That’s easy. Especially with a roster that includes Steve Nash, Kobe Bryant, Pau Gasol, and Dwight Howard, D’Antoni’s system will see the Lakers scoring a lot of points. He’s also not as bad a defensive coach as you think.

T.J. Simers from the LA Times published a few things today at LATimes.com after an interview with the basketball’s Mike D. You should read all three. Mike D’Antoni is a man who is many things. He’s a former player. He’s a native of West Virginia. He played in Italy after the NBA and stayed there, coaching off and on until 2002, when he was hired as a Suns assistant. He’s a guy from West Virginia who loves a spread-out offense and a point guard with handles. He has the cockiness of someone who knows he’s smarter than his counterparts with the passion of a competitor who still has plenty to prove. This is what makes me excited about having him as the coach of the Lakers.

After making the wrong choice with Mike Brown, Lakers management made a risky one in hiring D’Antoni. Phil Jackson would have been the best and safest move. Instead, Jim Buss once again chose the risky option. Hiring Jackson might have been a championship decision, but it surely would not have ended in chaos. The D’Antoni decision could be either brilliant or, given the Lakers’ horrible start, end really badly.

Second’s the Best

While Phil would have been around for probably a year or two at-most, D’Antoni could (with success) be around for five-plus years. Mike D is not the first choice of fans, and probably not even the best choice, but if the Lakers have even one more championship three years from now, D’Antoni’s hiring will surely be looked at as everything Mike Brown’s was not — namely a success.

Whether Jim gave Phil a fair shot or not, the Lakers got what I think was the second best coach on the market. D’Antoni will bring success and teams will not like playing the Lakers come April or May and his brand of offense will keep the Lakers relevant whether they win or not. And, in Los Angeles, that’s what is most important.

For a kid growing up in the 80’s, the Lakers dominance was a right of passage. In 1987, I was six years old and I have real memories of the moment when Magic sunk his sky-hook against the Celtics. The Lakers made eight out of ten NBA Finals in the 80’s and won five. Hearing Chick Hearn calling Magic’s sky-hook still gives me the chills.

In 1989, at the age of 8, I watched the Lakers’ last title for a while. After making the Finals in 1991, the franchise lost their superstar and fell on some hard times. Names like Magic, Kareem, and Big Game James were replaced by guys named VanExel, Sedale, Vlade, and Pig. In 1993-94, they finished 16 games below .500 and didn’t make the playoffs. Even for a 12-year old Lakers fanatic, Vlade’s soft Euro-game, Elden Campbell’s small hands, and James Edwards’ fade-away post moves didn’t cut it. VanExel was too young, Sedale too old, and even then George Lynch annoyed me.

While the Lakers continued to improve both in talent and in their record, the remainder of the pre-Shaq era was largely filled with end-of-season frustration and the realization that the Western Conference was completely inferior and that the Lakers were even inferior within the Western Conference.

In one offseason, Shaq’s decision to sign with the Lakers changed everything. No longer did Lakers fans have to deal with the frustration of a 7-foot center who was reluctant to dunk. Shaq’s game was everything that the Lakers seemed to need and more. More importantly, Shaq gave the Lakers a headliner they had been missing in the years since Magic retired. In a star-studded city like Los Angeles, don’t underestimate the impact of a headliner.

Despite losses to the Jazz in the playoffs and frustrating finishes to season, watching Shaq was ALWAYS a treat. As a fan, you always felt like you might see a feat of athletic dominance that you’d never seen before. The Diesel was “bigger, stronger, and faster” personified.

It took patience to wait for Phil Jackson to move to Los Angeles and for Kobe Bryant to mature enough to provide the second punch in the Lakers’ attack. But while we waited for the team to mature, Shaq provided mammoth dunk after mammoth dunk.

During the 1999-2000 season, Shaq took both his game and his showmanship to another level. In the new Staples Center — the entertainment crown jewel of Los Angeles — fans were serenaded with the theme from Superman whenever their own “Superman” established his dominance over an opponent.

The Lakers won the title in 2000 and the next two after that. His amazing ability on the court was sealed.

But I will remember other things most about Shaq and his time in Los Angeles.

I will remember not answering the questions asked by someone like Craig Saeger or John Ireland, but rather answer whatever question he felt like answering.

Sideline guy: “Shaq, you scored 37 points and pulled down 22 rebounds. Was the game plan to get the ball into you early?”

Shaq: “My teammates were really great tonight, I love this city and we are all excited to get this win on the road.”

Genius.

I’ll remember Shaq’s glossing himself “The Big Aristotle” after some deep conversations with and study under the Zen Master.

I’ll remember his story about how Phil Jackson made him swim out into a lake to help him with a chore when he went to visit Jackson in Montana after Jackson committed to the Lakers. Whether it happened or not, it was a great story and vintage Shaq showmanship.

I’ll always remember conversations with my college roommate, Kurt, about how his teammates were the stupidest people alive if they didn’t throw the ball into Shaq in the post on every possession. He was that dominant.

Most of all, I’ll probably remember some of Shaq’s quotes about being allowed to be abused in the post.

Many of them are chronicled here at http://shaqquotes.com .

Some of my favorites are:

“Keep in mind, I’m not allowed to be tough. I’m tamed.” Shaq had to take abuse all game, every game, and not strike back. His self-awareness of the fact that he was “tamed” is an interesting observation. For those who question how hard he tried or how much he cared, you should also question what kind of madness may have happened to other people on the court had he cared a little more or acted out on what were surely his desires to get all the Matt Geigers of the world back for inflicting constant physical harm upon him.

“You guys make the rules up, so a foul is a foul.  It doesn’t matter if a guy is bigger and stronger. It’s not my fault I ate my Frosted Flakes when I was little, and you ate Wheaties.”

Shaq gave Barkley-level quotes while being likeable during his playing days. He had what was arguably the most dominant 5 year stretch a player could have. He went away from Los Angeles and while he was bitter, he had built up so much good will, that it was still hard to dislike him as an overweight and bitter also-ran who was run out of town. As a Lakers fan, I was truly happy for him when he won another title.

Despite an injury-plagued end to his career, Shaq even made the Celtics more likable this year. His impact on the game will be measured against Bird, Magic, Jordan, Chamberlain, Robertson, West, Erving, and Jabbar. At a time when everyone complained about a Jordan-less league Shaq was the main attraction, carrying the weight of David Stern’s post-Jordan bitterness on his broad shoulders with ease. His presence will be missed on the court.

His retirement, however, opens up an opportunity for the greatest pre/post game show in NBA history. I can’t watch those games, but I would probably tune in to see Shaq, Charles, Kenny, and EJ on a pre-game, halftime, or post-game show. Can you dig it?

What if I could, as a fan, interview anyone in the sports world, ask them any question, and get a real, truthful, insightful answer. I wouldn’t have to publish it. I’d just want to know. As a fan. If you think you have their answers, please tell me.

My interview questions for Phil Jackson:

Who was more fun to coach – Shaq or MJ?

Kobe or Michael – and why?

Seriously, what happened to the Lakers this year?

My questions for Lakers’ GM Mitch Kupchak:

What really happened with the Ariza deal? Was there a problem with him that was never publicized? Did Kobe push hard for Ron? Would you do it differently if you could?

Would you rather have a slightly mentally unstable Artest or the Artest we saw all year?

For Frank McCourt:

What the hell?

For Stu Lantz:

Tell me one Chick Hearn story nobody has ever heard before.

For Tommy Lasorda and Vin Scully:

When did you know McCourt was going to be a failure as the Dodgers’ owner?

For Bud Selig:

How much did you really know about steroids throughout the 90’s?

What did you really think would happen with Frank McCourt? When did you know he wasn’t the guy?

For Mark Cuban:

Will you please buy the Dodgers already?!

For David Stern:

Did you make Jordan retire because of gambling?

Who wins in a fight- Prokerov or Cuban?

For EVERY major college basketball and football coach:

Who was paid to go to your school and how much?

For EVERY Major League Baseball player who played between 1980 and now:

How much performance enhancing drugs did you use and for how long?

There are so many questions that could be asked, I could have sat here for hours and hours writing them. I’ll leave it there for now and ask you the question: WHAT WOULD YOU ASK?

That is not a typo, and I am sure you are now hyperventilating. Someone call the paramedics!

In fact, that number is so outrageous, you probably think you are reading an article written by Jerry Springer. And maybe Jerry is to blame. Springer and the baby-face of Zac Efron have gotten to the Lakers heads. Add in some saucy Justin Beiber, and the half-naked, Megan Fox, and the Lakers have gone down in the flames of Hollyweird.

Weird, is the perfect word.

With the champs down 3-0 to a hungry Mavericks team, one would expect the survival mechanism to kick in. These are the Los Angeles Lakers, two time defending champs, deeper than anyone in the league, with a nest of proven title warriors. But instead, the fans have been abandoned with the pretty, bop haircut of Drew Barrymore, and are left to fend off the snakes of reality–too old; Kobe not the same; Pau soft; Bynum’s glass knees; No heart; Defensively poor; Fisher needs to fish elsewhere.

Weird, weirdness, weirder, weirdest, weirdizzle.

And while I’m on the topic, Barrymore is a perfect example. One of her first films, Firestarter, an alt-classic with a cultish’ following, features the young Barrymore blazing through American streets with an ability to start fires. She doesn’t know why she does it, accept that she gets enormously pissed off, and bad things happen to really good people.

So get out the gasoline, and start this here barbecue, because a massive roast is about’ to ensue.

Kobe IS FAR passed his prime. It was obvious in today’s game, that the fifteen years on  his thin, lengthy frame, have worn his once spry knees to ancient nubs. He came out red hot, as to be expected, shooting 6-8 in the 1st quarter. But 2-12 for the remainder, with little lift or drive, beckons the question..has his window of dominance closed?

Bynum, a guy getting paid fourteen million dollars on knees of a sixty year old’s, has reasons to smile. He is the most overrated big man in the league, with an ego the size of Texas.

I vote trade his ass to the South Dakota Greg Oden’s.

Pau is shaken by a recent breakup. Wait, a BREAKUP! Can we now consider Vanessa Bryant the new Yoko?

Fisher is now officially crowned with clownsmanship. I am positive Phil had him out there as comic relief, as everytime he threw Terry, Barrea, or Kidd to the ground, he still had it in him to somehow argue the foul call.

The problem with Artest is he is now Sir’ Ronald Artest, and no longer is going by his thug name Ron Ron “Stab a Juggler Vein.”

I think the basketball God hates Steve Blake because he no longer wears a birca.

LO is also the nickname of a former star on the Teeny Bop MTV series The Hills. And we wonder why Lamar is not a star….?

Kloe Kardashian is the 2nd woman in world history to experience immaculate conception. This occured after Luke Walton used the force during a game of Star Wars.

Walton prefers the name Yoda. Kobe prefers to call him Chewy.

Bring Mark”Mad Dog” Madsen” back, and before every game have the guy dance in a tassle embroidered thong.

Maybe this will turn Jeanie Buss on. Either that, or Phil needs to enhance his libido with viagra. Dude is so impartial, he makes a mute begger look like Chatty Kathy.

Flames.

Like Dante’s hell burning up the gloried, the Heat is on, literally.

And Barrymore, who never learns how to gauge her violent skill, is burning down the house (no pun intended).

Every victory, be it in the preseason or the playoffs, comes as a result of a well-navigated recourse in the face of adversity. We all know this as law in sport and were brought up with this reality from the beginning.

Might as well clot the bleeding at this point in time with a Gatorade and oxygen tourniquet, right?

Take a timeout Phil. No? Okay. Let them go, as usual. They will “Zen” their way out of it like they always do. A country-whistle for a double team on defense here, the leash lengthened again and again with offensive futility there.

The Mavs are numb in a 10-0 run nearing the end of the quarter. Now can we take a timeout and attempt to curb this high by least turning the resonating fire down to low for a second?

Wait, not yet? We were up 16 and have now let them within 3?

Finally a stoppage was at long last resorted to by a smug and stubborn perpendicular hand gesture to the officials. Now we call for time, after 3 levels of the 4-floor structure accumulated has been toppled over in burning haste by the opponent.

Beyond the usual rhythmic strategy, this is what frustrates me as a Laker-fan:  when things get out of hand and the Monarch of the Laker-bench forbids his soldiers to fortify, and rather try and slice and dice through the stalwart, casualties unmitigated.

A seasoned and grizzled warrior needs a stretch of wind more than he did when he was a young champion. He has already learned how to withstand your mind-games.  I fear this has been failed to be realized in this penultimate playoff-season for Coach Jackson.

Zen realizes this balance. For some reason, Phil does not. Live not with accolades and blueprints of before, but rather, live in the now. Know what now says. You are defying your own principal state-of-being, Phil.

Against a veteran lineup like the one Dallas boasts, don’t feel like you are so far ahead that letting the reigns go in an unbridled fashion will ultimately develop in an incontrovertibly satisfying result.

This is not New Orleans of last week nor Houston of last year. This challenge is truly in question. It is a storm more than anything the Western Conference seas has brought to your vessel in the past few years.

Jackson was quoted in a post-game conference as saying, “we gave it away.”

You gave it away, coach. Don’t tempt the zen-like, far-traveled path of ying-and-yang symmetry you have established by giving away a supreme state of being that you can quite easily moderate and contain.  Leave the pride and utter defiance non-withstanding. You’d hate to foil two different three-peats with two different teams on something like senile, lock-step commandment, wouldn’t you?

Make the adjustment. Prove you are what your rings say you are. Manage timeouts and halt the “we can put forth an unorthodox template and yet exclusively be better” edict.

Feel the balance outside of your own expectations and manage what is real, just this one time.  Your team needs you to.

We’ll see if the “Zen Master” can swirl the melting pot of what is as well as what should be one last time.

Take the L.A. Lakers for example. The greatest “coach” of all time, Phil Jackson, aka “zen master,” does about as much coaching as a cow. His low gruff voice, and quirky communication style, whispers a total of ten words during your average ball game, while Kobe demands the basketball from every player not named, well…Kobe.

It doesn’t get more awkward than this.

Is it fair to say, in today’s NBA, the central component to winning is rooted in the player of the hour, and less about set, or the God forsaken defense. Jackson’s eleven rings have been pieced together by two mainstays, one of which Jackson would rather not have exposed. The first of these large pie pieces is his “superior” triangle offense. A set that is more simplistic in its orientation than an episode of Blue’s Clues. This equation of basketball has been at the forefront of all his title teams, yet the truth of the triangle offense is that Phil never conceived of it. It was Tex Winter, his long time assistant in Chicago, who stole the set from USC’s great coach Sam Barry, and evolved into the faster paced NBA game.

Too bad Tex is ugly. @owenmain, gotta want it.

The triangle runs through its big man. It’s fond of a point-forward to bring the basketball up the floor, with the guard angled strong side corner, and the big, stationed on the strong side block. The point guard drifts to the weak-side three point region, while the power forward sets up weak-side, ten feet from the hoop, awaiting a possible alley-oop, or offensive rebound.  It is a set that my Junior High girl’s basketball team mastered in a matter of minutes. Not shittin’ you.

The second piece, one of which Jackson would love to leave locked in his coaching vault, is the long list of stars who have driven his ship to greatness: Jordan, Pippen, Shaq, Kobe, and Pau, to name a few. These players define the simplicity of his life; a lack or where-with-all to deliver momentary on the fly operatives, affecting the game as a whole. For Jackson it was simple–give the greatest player in the history of the universe the ball, M.J., or one of the most dominate big men in league history, Shaq. If not, let Kobe create, or Pippen and Pau bail you out.

Yet he has been glorified for every one of his eleven rings.  In today’s sports world money talks more than matter, and world-championships scream dollars signs, endorsements, new arenas, and top notch free agents. Whether or not a coach stumbled into the situation,  he becomes the face of both sporting and economical successes. He’s awarded a heafty contract extension, and his job as a coach, takes on a life of its own. With a multi-million dollar deal, he rivals players for dollars made; the house, the car, the women; and learns to  self-preserve his good-life, rather than coach and govern his club.

That is until he stumbles, ala Pat Riley post- 2006, and thus the coaching is dead.

This is why Jackson won nothing when Jordan retired. In 1993-1994, a season with Pippen at the head of the food of chain, the Bulls were man-handled by the superior Knicksin six in the 2nd round. Jackson’s zen-abilities, would have been better suited for a naked hippie commune in the surrounding mountains of Santa Cruz, then they would (take a breath and ahhh…) coach.  Had it not been for Jordan’s return, Jackson would of periled in defeat, and become the face of self-help healing courses.

His inabilities as a coach–communication and relateability–created a problem in 2004, when his Lakers lost to the Pistons, a group of better coached role guys, in the finals. Jackson’s means of self-preservation were evident when he he stepped down after the finals defeat then wrote a book, “The Last Season,” in which he lambasted the players he’d loved the last three title years. It begged the question, whether or not Phil was saving face for not only a debacle, but one in which he was at the helm of. The poorly written re-telling aimed its attack at Kobe Bryant (who trust me, I know had a part in it, but…) looking to pass the blame toward one of the greatest players this league has ever seen.  Jackson’s book earnings are disputed, but have been placed in the ballpark of five to ten million dollars, not to mention, his ass-kissing gestures in the book, mainly thrown at the Buss family, acted as an incestious form of career insurance, further flowering his enormous life savings.

Funny how, just five years later, a championship, new contract, and the pride of his league best tenth ring, changed things. Jackson is to “the boy who cried wolf” as Kobe is to…Jordan? Hmmm.

Across the country, another hyper clown is making headlines. Eric Spoelstra, otherwise known as “coach Spo” has been ring leading a circus parade, the Miami Heat, with dance grooves, circa drug ring mid-70’s. He’s had the “difficult” job of winning with the likes of three superstars in Bron Bron, D-Wade, and Bosh, all three, who would be the face of a franchise anywhere in the world.

With every win, spunky “Spo” becomes prouder of his club, not to mention his players. I’m sure Juwan Howard, the five minute a night washed up big man feels the love too. Or Eddie “Gan’sta” House, believes in himself because of coach Spo’s love for not only his star-children, but his middle class role guys.

Well…not so fast. During the team’s suprising 9-8 start, D-Wade made headlines when he proclaimed Spo to be “not my guy, but my coach.”  The small statement sent shock-waves through the organization because it proved Spo was not only unable to gain the respect from his players, but had the lack of gumption to move his team in the direction he saw necessary. It also asked the question of whether or not today’s NBA players are coachable? It would seem no, considering the NBA is now more of a drive through of entertainment than it is the patience of fine dining.

Larry Brown is a perfect example of a guy who loves to coach. He expects his players to run his sets, his plays, his defense, and come to practice.  But it is this expectation that has made him a journey man in the world of professional basketball. His puritanical approach to a team sport has led to many of his firings by a league looking for athletic players to excite a crowd feigning for entertainment, and the slick backed hip-hop moguls (dub Jay-Z’s “Empire State of Mind“) to lead them there.

On February 9th, in a one point win over the red hot Pacers, Bron Bron rose above three defenders to hit a go ahead jumper with thirteen seconds to play. His line: 41pts, 13reb, 8ast, 3stl, were evident of his dominance. But he had Wade and Bosh both wide-open, closer to the hoop. The obvious play was to deliver the ball for a better shot, to two superstars, mainly Wade, a one time champion, top five player today, to win the game. But Bron was feeling it, and took the shot with confidence. As he hit it, Spo could be seen jumping around like a grammar school fan, with eyes as wide as dollar coins. Which was disappointing.

For many of us who’ve watched enough basketball to know what the hell we’re talking about (your cue to exit this article if you don’t), the best player on the Heat the first forty four minutes is Bron, but in the last four, is clearly Wade. He’s led a team to a title, made big plays on the biggest stage, and hits free throws with better consistency. But Wade is now second fiddle to a corporation in Bron Bron, who sells more jerseys, tickets, shoes, and clothing. Because of this, Spo’s ability to coach was tossed out the window, and the entity of El Brondo, ran him over like a freight train.

Lucky for Spo, he delivered. After the game he was quoted, “Bron’s motor was insane tonight.” Really, insane? What a word choice. He sounds like a braces wearing sport’s fan, more passionate about a player, than he is a cool collect coach. I wouldn’t be suprised to see Spo in Cancun this summer, with a Bron jersey slung on his short, stubby white physique,  dropping ‘dope’ and ‘fly’ like a  wannabe ‘partna’.

Get out.

–Luke Johnson

luke@fansmanship.com