The New York Yankees of the hardwood have met and exceeded off-season expectations. Should we be so surprised? Since moving to Los Angeles in 1960, the Lakers have once again done what they are known for doing — perpetually adding to the list of all-time acquisitions in the history of the NBA, year after year.

The Lakers have brought into the fold the star power of the biggest off-season prize in big man Dwight Howard, as well as one of the most respected and decorated point guards in the history of the game in Steve Nash. Los Angeles has once again struck big and has made the biggest series of offseason splashes in recent NBA history.

Moreover, when you add in bench-strengthening additions like Antawn Jamison, Jodie Meeks and Chris Duhon, this off-season could be graded even higher than all-time great Laker off-seasons, meeting or exceeding when they brought in the likes of Wilt Chamberlain in 1968, Kareem-Abdul Jabbar in 1975 or Shaquille O’Neal in 1996.

When you take into consideration this year’s epic additions, and then throw into the recipe mainstays like Kobe Bryant, Pau Gasol, Metta-World Peace, Jordan Hill and Steve Blake, what do you expect the overall dish to taste like? Some are saying an NBA championship favorite, others are saying a huge chemistry problem. I argue as objectively as I can that it is honestly someplace in-between.

While Dwight Howard not seeing a lot of preseason game action due to his recovery from a minor back procedure and Kobe missing the last week of practice and games in the preseason obviously isn’t going to help to build early-season chemistry, don’t think for a second that this team not gelling early means that they won’t end up gelling at some point in the new year, when games start to matter.

Howard recovering from surgery at the outset will predictably stunt the growth process, but let’s take a look at what will ultimately make that process flourish.

Point primarily to the Princeton offense. The first cousin of the Triangle, both are based in similar principles: spacing, ball movement, movement without the ball and player versatility. Both feature many series of 2-man and 3-man games and like the triangle, the post is the hub of the offense. This is and will be the perfect compliment to a roster that includes above average passing big men like Dwight Howard and Pau Gasol, as well as Hall-of-Fame-level facilitators like Steve Nash and Kobe Bryant. The main benefit to consider is that the Princeton system brings structure to an offensive gameplan that last year, looked like a complete mess.

How will it all come together? How will each piece fit and what can we expect from each separate personality in the process of building what is paramount – team chemistry? Below is an in-depth look at each player who looks to contribute this upcoming season:

Kobe Bryant

The addition of more high-end stars leaves the door wide open for Kobe to trust his teammates at a new and unprecedented level. Steve Nash now being in the back-court means Kobe doesn’t have to have the ball in his hands the majority of the time when it matters most — namely, at the end of the shot clock and at the end of quarters and games.

Kobe Bryant hits another clutch fadeaway jumper. By Keith Allison from Baltimore, USA (AAAA9080) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Kobe won’t have to hoist as many bad shots as he has had to in the recent past. Steve Nash will get him better shots. And if Bryant can be assisted by Nash within the confines of the Princeton offense by cutting to the basket on rubs and back-cuts for easy lay-ups, as well as get more open shots on the perimeter, his ego will hopefully be satisfied.

All of us Lakers fans and haters alike can at least agree on that simple fact: Bryant does have a huge ego to satisfy, no matter how his overall skills may have eroded (or not eroded at all in his mind) from their peak some five years ago.

All of this considered, Kobe’s minutes will more-than-likely be curbed and managed with the addition of the most capable scoring backup he has ever had behind him at shooting guard in Jodie Meeks. Less wear and tear during the season means more energy come playoff time. In Lakerland, having the most available to you come playoff time is all that matters.

Dwight Howard

Finally, Dwight doesn’t have to be the man. And although the public and media’s perception during his holdout/re-sign/holdout might suggest that he feels like he needs to be the man, I argue that his loose and playful personality points to something different. It points to a level of humility and that he has no problem being ‘one of the guys’ and contributing to a champion in any way, shape or form that he can to help the team reach the ultimate goal.

He has learned in failures past that it takes more than himself to win it all. This is the reason he came to Los Angeles. Yes, his offensive game in the post needs further development. Yes, his free throw percentage needs to improve. But one needs to also consider that the man will turn only 27 years old in December. There is plenty of room and time to improve over the next few years. We may have yet to see Howard’s peak.

There is no question in any argument that could be presented that his presence as a defensive force in the middle is a factor the Lakers haven’t had since Wilt many eras ago. Yea, you heard me Kareem and Shaq. Howard will be a strong anchor in the middle for a defense that has lacked one basic element in recent years past…. a strong anchor in the middle. There will be no more free layups lines for guys like Durant and Westbrook. Dwight will have opportunities for defensive and offensive rebounds galore.

His calling card on this squad will be limiting the opposition to one-and-done’s on the defensive end and feasting on put-backs around the basket on the offensive end. The size of his impact in the paint on both ends of the floor will be just as big as the smile you will see on his face all season long. Dwight and Hollywood will be a great match for years to come.

Steve Nash

Quick, go back to “The Showtime Era.” How long ago was Magic dishing out dimes like nobody’s business? 20-plus years ago? This was the last time the Lakers had an ultimate facilitator. And now they have one again, finally.

Nick Van Exel, Sedale Threatt, Ron Harper, Derek Fisher, Smush Parker or even Ramon Sessions you could never honestly tag as great or even good ‘facilitators.’ Not only is Steve Nash this, but he is one of the best facilitators this league has ever seen.

While he is getting up there in age, his conditioning and ability have not diminished much at all. Nash is one of those rare athletes where body is even more of the ultimate temple come the late 30’s towards the end of his career. His ability to retain his conditioning and skill given his growing age is at the same hall-of-fame level that his uncanny passing acumen and dead-eye shooting ability has always been.

So what is Nash’s outlook with this group? Simple – to get everyone theirs. The Princeton offense is predicated on reading the defense and taking what they give you. This charge, along with managing what is truly a juggernaut offense is the task that Nash has been chosen to achieve. Who better than the most unselfish point guard the NBA has seen in the last decade-plus to tackle this assignment? With all the offensive talent that surrounds him, Nash could eclipse an assists per game average of 12 and beyond.

Pau Gasol

Gasol’s role looks to be very similar to what it was last year. While both Pau and Howard are in the game, Gasol’s 15-20 foot game will be his primary niche. A lot of those shots, when missed, will be followed in by Howard around the rim. When Howard leaves the floor and Pau remains, look for Gasol to take his game down low. This becomes the perfect, simplistic inside-outside game plan for the game’s most diverse big man.

Pau Gasol blocks a shot as Metta World-Peace looks on. By Keith Allison (Flickr: Pau Gasol, Metta World Peace) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Metta World-Peace

While World-Peace isn’t what he once was on the offensive end, his defensive prowess remains. Metta’s role on this roster should be one main focus night-in, night-out — lock down the opposition’s best wing player defensively. Period. One goal. A tunnel assignment.

I believe a personality like World-Peace can thrive in a simplified situation such as this. And as long as the voices of Kobe Bryant and Mike Brown keep him focused, his toughness will be irreplaceable, given that Bryant, Nash and Gasol are average to only above-average defenders at best at this point in their careers.

If his team needs him to hit an outside shot or contribute garbage points around the basket, we all know Metta can do that in spurts, but I truly believe a simplified approach to Metta’s game and role on this team will get the most out of his unique talent.

Oops, I forgot to mention regular therapy sessions once a week, if not more. Toss that in there. Stay in your shoes Ron-Ron.

The Bench

Scoring off the bench was one of the biggest holes the Lakers had to fill this off-season to get back to a championship level. Antawn Jamison highlights a much-improved bench in 2012-13. Jamison is one of those swing forwards that can replace Metta World-Peace at the 3 in certain situations or Pau Gasol at the 4 in other particular situations. Defensively he may be a liability, but that’s not why Los Angeles brought him in. They brought him in to score. And score he can. In many ways. Those who haven’t seen Jamison’s game will be thrilled with his go-to move – a sneaky, almost strange-looking finger-roll game around the basket. Jamison is instantly a 6th man of the year candidate.

Jordan Hill is returning from a herniated disc injury and should be ready to go for opening night. Last season he surprisingly emerged from the bench as the go-to replacement at power forward when Pau Gasol or Andrew Bynum needed a rest. The Lakers wisely re-signed the hustling garbageman for less than a mid-level exception — two more years and a reasonable total of only 7 million dollars. Hill’s knack and fast-twitch muscle fibers that slither and leverage both defensive and offensive rebounds cannot be understated. And if his most recent ailment doesn’t nag, there is nothing that says he can’t duplicate and even improve upon his key role off the bench from last year’s campaign.

Jodie Meeks looks to be the 8th man behind Kobe, and as Bryant’s minutes slowly diminish, Meeks appears to be more than capable as an ideal second team scorer at the off-guard position. A product of the lottery farm known as the University of Kentucky, Jodie comes over to Tinseltown from Philadelphia where over the last two seasons, the now 25-year-old averaged a solid 9.5 points in 26.5 minutes a game off the Sixers bench.

The Lakers scoring in the late 1st and 3rd quarter – early 2nd and 4th quarter portions of the game will be made or broken by how consistently Jodie can put the ball in the hole. For what Meeks can potentially bring to the table for only $1.5 million a year over the next two years, Mitch Kupchak has a lot of pats on the back to come. And I’m not even kidding here – #20 might end up being my favorite Laker this season when its all said and done. I love these types of key role players.

All through camp Steve Blake and Chris Duhon have battled for the 9th man spot backing up Steve Nash at the point guard position. Blake began camp recovering from a foot injury where he punctured his foot walking over one-way tire spikes in a parking lot (Clint Barmes breaking his collarbone “lugging deer meat” thinks that is one of the most ridiculous non-field injuries in recent memory).

Steve Blake whips the ball around the perimeter. By Keith Allison from Owings Mills, USA (Steve Blake  Uploaded by JoeJohnson2) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Hailing from the floor-slapping defensive juggernaut of Duke, Duhon’s defense gives the Lakers something they haven’t had in a very long time – a force that can potentially check and keep up with the elite offensive point guards the NBA now glorifies. Look for Duhon to slowly steal minutes from Blake at this position as the season matures.

Devin Ebanks and Chris Douglas-Roberts will compete for the 11th man position on the roster. Major injuries aside, best-case scenario for these two backup wing players will be limited contributions, aside from pushing starters in practice and trying to impress coaches for future opportunities. Both will be able to dress for the game, unless there in an injury on the front line and rookie Robert Sacre needs to fill a hole.

Guards Andrew Goudelock and Darius Morris, as well as aforementioned rookie 7-footer that was drafted this past April out of Gonzaga, Robert Sacre, look to begin this season as the 13th, 14th and 15th men. Joining them on the practice squad could be Darius Johnson-Odom, Reeves Nelson and an injured Earl Clark, who they also acquired in the Dwight Howard trade.

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All opinions considered, detractors will point to a preseason that is without a win for the Lakers. Are we actually giving credence to a preseason record, and are we willing to speak it in the same sentence with postseason chances 6 months down the road?

Since when did what happens in October have anything to do with what happens in April and June given a roster loaded with playoff veterans such as this? One thing I can say about preseason Lakers talk – I’m utterly amazed at the naivete of the notion that a preseason record of a team that is made up like this one matters.

Given the infancy of the group as a new team, this new offense, the feeling-out process that needs to take place, and how the elite talent this team possesses played literally a fraction of the minutes in the preseason that they are going to play in the regular season and playoffs makes the idea that the preseason record matters down right silly and fundamentally empty. You’d think the Lakers were the Charlotte Bobcats! They must be in for a season in which their win total will tally only in the teens!

These things are for sure – for this loaded group, zero preseason wins equals exactly this: 50-55-plus wins, a Pacific Division title, a top 3 playoff seed or higher, and a barometer of the Western Conference Finals. Anyone who reads more into a preseason record in the NBA, where the final score means close to ultimately nothing, is only fancying him or herself as a glass-half-empty contrarian.

As far as the Lakers on-television issue is unfolding, the whole Time Warner Sportsnet dilemma on the precipice of the regular season is now partly resolved for San Luis Obispo-County fans. Those of us that are Charter subscribers now have access to the network that will carry every single one of the Lakers’ non-nationally televised games. Those of us that are Direct TV subscribers are still unfortunately out of luck at this time – but keep the faith, these two sides will ultimately come to a compromise and the Lakers will be live and in color for all local fans in the very near future.

As the excitement builds, the story of the 2012-2013 NBA season will be a must-see, be you Laker-fan or Laker-hater. And that is the beauty of a team like the Los Angeles Lakers – the polarization. You either love them or hate them. There is no in-between. They are always a topic of conversation no matter what side of the fence you may dig your heels into, because the majority of NBA fans strongly stand on one side of the barbed wire or the other.

Talking time is over. Watching time is now!

I idolize/d Byron Scott and Magic Johnson. Loved the 39-win team in 1993 that nearly knocked off the all-mighty Charles Barkley-led Suns. At the age of 12, I loved Sedale Threatt. Embraced Cedric “the Garbage Man” Ceballos as the most underrated swing man of the 90’s and still root for the grinning spin doctor of humor with a dominate unrelenting game and a personality to match it: Shaquille O’Neal.

You see….I like me some Lakers. But I just don’t love the maniacally self obsessed Kobe Bryant. That’s it.   

That was in my opinion (key word there…pay attention), the worst move in franchise history, when the team opted to send Shaq packing to Miami in favor of Kobe. It set a precedent that anyone and everyone was/is recyclable. And Shaq, the man who made Kobe Bryant Kobe Bryant is not ever, for one second, recyclable. 

So I began asking the question: Why do I have to go down with the ship if I hate the captain? Why don’t I get to be a free agent with my fansmanship? Why do I have to keep rooting for a team whose face I no longer support? Little did I know just how common my Central-Coast -swing-state perspective was.

A perfect example of this was documented by our own Owen Main in the Spring of 2011. Main asked the question in this article: Is the Central Coast a Giants or Dodgers country? And the answer was neither. What we discovered about ourselves was that we just don’t take sports that serious here. We have beautiful women, concerts in the plaza, an electric farmers market, beautiful downtown’s, stunning antique architecture, award-winning wine country, great bars, rolling Irish-like hillsides, hiking, rugged beaches, pines by the sea, clean air, low crime, abundance of restaurants, wonderful school systems, plentiful tourism, fishing, lakes and according to Oprah, one of the happiest environments in the world. 

Hakuna Matata.

Here, we embrace the many shades of grey and not the childish infatuations or irrelevant loyalty to organizations that have no grip whatsoever on our SLO life.

So here is my short opinion on the Dwight Howard landing in Los Angeles:

I think the move to land Dwight Howard was the second worst decision in team history. He’s a malcontent disconnected character with a lust for Hollywood stardom. And though I agree that Andrew Bynum was a glass kneed fool with a cheap and uninspired heart, he was, for the time-being locked up longer than one freaking year.

One year. 

In the Summer of 2013 when Howard is an unrestricted free agent, he will do as he’s promised all along by signing an enormous contract with the Brooklyn Nets to become the billboard face of Jay-Z’s franchise. And then what? Steve Nash is 40, Bryant a crippled 35 and Meta World is off in India learning to braid hair and meditate. 

The Lakers now have one year to win Bryant his sixth ring and are still only the third best team in the Western Conference. Not to mention I give them only a smidgen of a shot against the deep defensive minded Bulls and no shot whatsoever against the steam-rolling, LeBron-led Heat. I can name four teams right now with a deeper rotation: the Thunder, Spurs, Bulls and Heat.  And the upstart Pacers are on the fringes.    

So just remember this article when Dwight Howard is an underachieving underwear model with his low seeded Nets teams and you’re stuck watching pick and rolls between Steve Blake and Jordan Hill.  Learn to stop throwing rocks and sticking your tongue out at pragmatic realists with a fair take on things. It’s getting tiring and old and I would like to have a mature conversation.  

She is simple: bran cereal, TV, nap, sandwich, nap, garden gallivant, piss off grandpa, sleep.

Her life reminds me of a famous ecclesiastical quote, “Vanity!Vanity! Everything is chasing after the wind.” You see, my Nana’s cotton candy face froze like ice with an eternal half-cracked smirk, is the emblem of what it means to live a long and happy life. In 2001, my aunt took her then peppy seventy-four year old body on a three week excursion into the motherland–France.

Seeing the land of her heritage completed my Nana’s short bucket list. À bientôt. Her life is now one gossip mag after another, a bag of low-fat Orville Redenbacher popcorn, and a fizzy off-brand diet coke.

Last she joked of sexual intimacy, it was followed with such a far and away sense of self, that she spoke of it in third person and in the past-tense.  Life is a game of remembering–finding the story within the story–laughing at the detail she missed oh so long ago.

Like a story about my grandfather, her first husband. We sat at the Madonna Inn in 2005, re-establishing a familiar tradition of hot cocoa.  It was there my Nana’s world turned to momentary magic, as then alive owner, Alex Madonna, greeted us with his icy cool lingua. Before you knew it, a quick hello turned into a fifteen minute conversation. Upon arrival, my Nana asked Mr. Madonna whether he remembered talking business with Walter Lerette. His face lit like birthday candles. “Why yes, of course I remember Walt.” Seeing her partly foggy eyes turn crystal clear for a half-hour or so could turn any pessimistic thinker into a Jesus believing optimist.

The story line? Find the details. Pay attention to the best supporting, supporting actresses. Step back a bit. Take life less serious. View all things like a layered Picasso painting: disjointed till proven otherwise. When stepping back, find the hidden brushstroke between the larger ones. Pause. Document. Revel wildly.

My new game is called name-that-animal. It came to fruition on my twenty-fifth birthday, when I decided it was best to have personal, moral, and worldly responsibilities. Perhaps more focus on starvation in Africa, or the poor educational institutions in the under-funded inner city should take precedence over ultimately, meaningless sporting events.

Which is why comedy is the way in which I watch sports now.

For instance, Michael Jordan is no longer the king of the world–but a prostitute and money is his pimp. Bret Favre is no longer an award winning good-ol’-boy, but an artistic genital exhibitionist.

I think David Stern and Kobe Bryant have been having a gay affair since the split from Michael in 2001. On the other hand, Dennis Rodman is not a crazed lunatic, but a traveling art convention, and a man who Lady GaGa robbed.

Through this abnormal lens,  a new normal is founded: folly. Yes, folly. The grandfather to stupidity. Everything is dumb.  The sporting apocalypse has come through an NBA of montage- twas. Excitement, done. Donzo. Buh Bye.

The game is simple, and makes your world far more fun. Watch any sporting event with me, myself and I, and one up each other comparing each athlete to their animal relative. I thought of selling this game to Mattel, but since I am full of folly, free became the new price tag.

Kurt Rambis is….(give it your best shot)

If a fraggle rock made passionate love to the literary character Waldo, a new breed would be born: a fragaldo. Kurt Rambis is the genetic mutation of such a beast as this.

Most of us ogle over former Laker great, Magic Johnson. But what about the mid-90’s Laker point guard Sedale Threatt?

Threatt had that sloping back neck with a beautifully round and bald scalp. He is clearly a Desert Sand Boa.

A teammate of Threatt’s, and part of a dangerous duo with Shaq in the nineties, Elden Campbell was better known for this animal.

A giraffe. Yep, the long and thin Campbell with those drooping eyes, and a slothful looking face, ambles like a giraffe.

Kobe Bryant may be better known as the black mamba, but homie resembles something way different than that, with his thin face, and extended lower jaw when he gets angry and pouty…

If he baptized D-How, it was with the claws on his wings. Kobe looks just like a carniverous Pterodactyl.

It seems the older I get, the more disappointed I become with humanity. I assumed that every person had a revelation as I did on their twenty-fifth birthdays about life and the importance of worldly things. Boy was I wrong. Does my revelation regarding the ultimate meaningless nature of sports make me a fair weather fan? Maybe, if it means I don’t cry or breakdown when my beloved Angels fall. I oblige all of you to take it easy. Chill on the n0-care pill when it comes to sports, and play a round of name-that-animal. Laugh a little more about things. Brush your shoulders off. Purposely sit in-between a crowd of immature Laker fans and root for the opposite team all night. Promise, by night-end, you will be chuckling with a real kind of story to go to the grave with.