One of the perks of writing for this site, is that I get to attend games, as like a member of the media. Silly, I know, and last night I was able to go to the Cal Poly/USC basketball game at the Galen Center in downtown Los Angeles (I live in LA, so this was not a hard thing for me to do). However, last night was December 17th, and for the rest of the world, that meant the premiere of “Star Wars: The Force Awakens.” I have my tickets for Saturday, so I was fine, but I figure if I am going to go to this game on the same date as the premiere of the most anticipated movie of the year, well, I should probably write my post about the game with some sort of “Star Wars” angle right? So, many thanks to Mike Still, the artistic director of the Upright Citizen’s Brigade, Los Angeles (the theater where I have performed for the last six years), for giving me the idea to cover the game as Han Solo, so that is exactly what I am going to do. From here on out, I will be writing as the outlaw, Han Solo.

Hey, where the hell am I?  Chewy?  Chewy?  Where are you? Hmm. Dare I say it? Jabba? Come on Han. He died thirty years ago. Sorry, I’ll never forget all of that time in carbonite. Come on Han, you’ve woke up in stranger places. You can get through this. Okay, so it appears I am in some sort of arena. Oh no, the Rancor? Han, Luke killed the Rancor like 30 years ago. Right around the same Leia killed Jabba. I guess Leia’s right, I am getting old. Hope you’re happy General, I just said you’re right.

Oh wait, the lights are dimming.  Wait, that music.  I know that music.  But he’s dead too.  And yes, it’s been for about thirty years now.  Cram it with the jokes friend.  But what are these guys doing?  Whatever they’re up to, I am going to keep my blaster close.

I’ll say one thing, this guy Ridge Shipley, he just sounds like a guy who you would meet in Mos Eisley Cantina or piloting an X-wing next to Luke right? I like him. I have no idea what the hell is about to happen, but I like him. Okay, so five guys dressed in black with the words Cal Poly on their chests, and five guys dressed in white just came out with the name Trojan on their chest. I don’t know who I should be more worried about because the guys in black could be from the First Order, but the guys in white, could obviously be some sort of Stormtrooper. This may be some sort of two the death game being conducted by Imperial Forces. In fact, looking at one of the Trojan Stormtrooper arms, I honestly can’t tell if he is part snake or all human. Maybe a Slussi?  Seriously, what is the strange art on this man’s arms?

Anyway, so it appears this “game” has started, and from what I can tell the point is to put the ball in the round net, and the white team, specifically the snake-armed man, is doing a pretty well at that indeed.  But wait a minute, the game has stopped and now a voice comes can be heard, and a strange man begins to play some music while the First Order and the Stormtroopers talk to each other. Okay, this guy clearly is in charge. This guy has taken over for Jabba the Hut. He is ordering people to stand on their feet, to scream, to make some noise. He is a tyrant, begging his people to follow him, and it is clear this “game” is being played as some sort of entertainment for him.

I have been able to figure out that this twerp is named DJ Mal Ski. The guy just advertises it on his throne. Even Jabba wasn’t that full of himself, but this guy is clearly trying to one-up Jabba in a big way, so based on my relationship with Jabba, I gotta watch myself. Whoa, one of the stormtroopers took the ball and threw it into the net really hard.  Hadn’t seen that before. Oh, it happened again.  And again. It seems like the First Order guys need to do a better job of keeping the ball out of the net. Who cares though because this is all just big show for Master Mal Ski. Oh, here comes some dancers. I seem to recall Jabba just having one dancer with long tentacles coming out of her head. Some people try to say that it happened differently, as if someone changed how the original memory of the Jabba’s lair, but I was stuck in carbonite. That, unfortunately for me, did not change. Anyway, this Mal Ski is not satisfied with one dancer. He rolls out like twenty.  I can only assume they are slaves being made to dance.

I gotta do something about this guy. Oh no! He’s now putting people on the screen and making them kiss! These people are all his slaves, and he makes them do his bidding. You know, when I was younger, I wouldn’t have taken sides here. Well, I would have I guess. Whoever would have paid me the best. Not anymore though. You don’t fight against the Imperial Forces and don’t come out with a stronger sense of good and evil, and Mr. Mal Ski, it’s time to take you out. Wait, what’s that noise. All of the men playing are watching as one of the men throw the ball towards the net, and I hear something.

He’s got Chewy!  That giant furball gets on my nerves, but he’s my furball. Okay, this guy is going down. Oh, a horn just sounded, and everyone is leaving. There are guards preventing me onto the floor. It seems that the stormtroopers have more numbers than the First Order, whatever that means, but the crowd is keeping me away from Mal Ski. He’s gone. Gotta find Chewy. Gotta go.

With the Super Bowl right around the corner, the time of year has returned once again. This particular pocket on the calendar serves as the preparation point that will give way to the onslaught of sport for the year to come.

As we speak, New Orleans is being blitzed and invaded by 49ers fans and Ravens fans alike, not to mention the straight-up football fans and “party fans” that are piling in. It is Bourbon Street, after all.

Even the First Super Bowl Party gets a little loose! By White House (Pete Souza) / Maison Blanche (Pete Souza) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

We know the pageantry and performance of the big game won’t disappoint. The annual pinnacle of American sport never lets us down, and even if the scoreboard is lopsided, one of your friends at the party seems to always end up that way as well, making the whole Super Bowl party experience a let-down-free zone.

Pushing all the rif-raf to the peanut gallery, the 49ers open, and will most likely remain, favorites – and with good reason. Colin Kaepernick is a dynamic force that is currently surfing the wave that most young phenoms always seem to – “they don’t even know where they are right now.”

The combination of Colin Kaepernick riding the whitewash of momentum, coupled with his elite, dual-threat ability coming of age right before our eyes, makes the 49ers an extremely dangerous favorite. The 49ers could win by a slim margin or a big margin. This is something you can’t necessarily say about the Ravens.

If the Ravens get over, it will be a ‘Rice, Rice, Flacco to Boldin or Pitta 3rd down conversion’ type of game. The deep bomb to Torrey Smith is something I don’t really see the defense of the 49ers allowing, given the prowlace their two all-pro safeties.  At the same time, I would also be foolish if I didn’t consider the magic a retiring Ray Lewis and his defense seem to have going.  Underdogs can still overachieve.

Analysis of the game aside, the unbridled fun of the Super Bowl also serves as a recognizable signaling of the year to come in all other arenas of sport.

The NBA all-star game is on the horizon, and unfortunately for most fans, the taste of purple and gold is impossible to remove from the palate of NBA water-cooler talk everywhere.

Dwight Howard throw-downs have been few and far between so far this season. By Fido (Flickr: Bucks @ Lakers) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

I know everyone is exhausted with the revolving Laker discussion, but the reason the Lakers continue to hoard the headlines is a reason you rarely equate with this franchise – their ineptitude.

Give me an “A” or give me an “F,” right?  Unfortunately, “F” sells in a huge way, and sadly, sells even more than “A” does – but you can’t blame the Lakers for all the attention they are recieving.  Another main reason the Lakers are hogging print and air waves is because nothing around the rest of the NBA is making waves.

The Heat are dominating in their defense of the title. The Celtics, Knicks and Rose-less Bulls are still nipping at their heels in the East.  Great.

In the West, the Thunder are still running, the Spurs are still lurking, and the Clippers and Grizzlies are still up-and-coming. Great.

Yawn.  Alright!  I’m awake!

Moving on — what or who else looms near this time of year? You got it – everyone’s favorite worst guy ever, the infamous “bracket guy.”

Unrightfully so, no one pays an emphatic amount of attention to the national NCAA basketball scene until March rolls around, but when it does, get ready to throw down your bracket and your bucks.

Cinderellas will be the overlying theme as they always are, and golden chariots will turn back into pumpkins in the end like they always do – but the overall saga of March never comes up short.  One.  Shining.  Moment.  I’m welling up just thinking about it.  No I’m not.

Seamheads are beyond hyped this time of year as well. Everyone is a potential pennant winner in spring training, and pitchers and catchers report in less than a month.

With the Giants coming off another World Series Championship and the Dodgers having huge expectations, the rivalry only looks to get juicier. By andyrusch (http://www.flickr.com/photos/asrusch/5748267516/) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Money, money and more money has morphed a perpetual big-market underachiever into the new West coast version of the New York Yankees. Trading for the gigantic contracts of super stars has given way to monumental stadium renovations for the Dodgers, which will create more revenue, and eventually give way to taking on even more gigantic contracts of super stars.

Moneyball may get you to the dance, but big money allows you to go home with the prom queen in the end. The Dodgers have officially taken on the new face of baseball’s dark side, and will become even more of a polarizing team than they were before.

Spoiler alert: yes, the rebels eventually win in Star Wars, but in baseball the empire always eventually wins in bulk. Blue thinkers finally realizing gold once again could be right around the corner.

From progression to regression – congratulations on almost killing your sport one more time, Gary Bettman. Hockey is back, but now the few casual fans that existed before care even less.

Kings captain Dustin Brown hoists the cup, a trophy of a dying sport. By Eric Chan from Hollywood, United States (DSC00815 Uploaded by JoeJohnson2) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

On a positive note, the Kings raising the banner was beyond due.  It was an awesome run last season and a championship that was well deserved for Kingdom loyalists — but the realistic future of hockey has essentially become a dimming light, one that now can barely even be seen by a telescope in the night sky of the American sporting realm.

It wouldn’t be an all discussion without mentioning eagles and earplugs, two associations about to start the longest campaigns of any professional leagues in the United States. 10 months?  Forget campaigns, try marathons.

There are niches in our sports melting pot that absolutely live for the PGA and Nascar circuits. And strangely enough, they couldn’t be more polar opposites.  Its the quietest sport and the loudest sport.  Its the high-class perception and the low-class perception.  And given the differences, it’s kind of ironic how the hardcore fans of both circuits would probably never get along, yet the 19th hole and the 5th wheel effectively serve the same purpose.  I guess that’s one thing everyone can agree on – booze.

So there it is and here it comes – the great American sporting landscape.  And with all of the anticipation and excitement on the horizon, there’s honestly nothing I can see that could put damper on the cornucopia of sport all of us fans are in line for, could there be?

April 15th. Yea, the smartass went and did it.

I agree. The character of America is so diverse and so abstract at times that we may only sometimes be able to describe it. But we know it when we see it.

The upcoming movie, Captain America, is sure to give us glimpses of the American Character. Or at least what it once was thought to be.

In the real world, a person can look at actions of others and have wonderful conversations about whether they match with our country’s character, values, and beliefs. Because of diversity of this country, beliefs won’t always be the same. Character will be diverse. But there are themes and threads that can be as easily identified as the Stars and Stripes themselves.

The United States Women’s Soccer Team was on the brink of elimination from the Women’s World Cup on Sunday afternoon in Germany. Down 2-1 in the 122nd and final minute of the match, the Americans scored a dramatic goal and won the game, moving on into the semifinal round.

A closer look at the team’s past and especially the saga of American keeper Hope Solo reveals the nature and diversity of the American Character.

The old phrase, “Adversity doesn’t teach character, it reveals it,” rings true in Solo’s case. The character of individuals like Abby Wambach, Hope Solo, and the entire US Women’s Soccer Team was revealed over three angst-filled hours on Sunday. Here’s how:

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America was founded on the basis of principles (among others) like manifest destiny and the idea of making it yourself. ESPN’s Sal Paolantonio theorizes in his book, How Football Explains America, that sports like American football are popular in this country implicitly due to its physical and structural connection to the idea of manifest destiny. If you want more details on this, and also on why soccer isn’t as popular in America as in the rest of the world, read his book. Paolantonio’s idea seems sound: Popularity of a sport or an athlete in the United States is based largely on whether that athlete fits into an imagined ideal.

For a football player forty years ago, that meant that you looked like Mike Ditka, Jack Lambert, or Bart Starr. For a basketball player, that ideal is almost certainly Michael Jordan. In baseball, Ken Griffey Jr. or pre-steroid Barry Bonds definitely come to mind.

In women’s soccer, that ideal has been embodied for at least the last 20 years by Mia Hamm. While she played and since she retired, Hamm was always quiet, unassuming, and dominant. She was light-years ahead of any female player on the world stage. In leading the United States team to Wold Cup glory in 1999, she seemed mostly quiet off the field– content to let others talk while she basked in the glory of achievement.

In retirement, Hamm has largely stayed out of the spotlight while some of her teammates like Julie Foudy and Brandi Chastain (among others) have gone on to be television analysts. Hamm has been the epitome of the quiet superstar. When you think of Hamm’s personality, visions of David Robinson, Cal Ripken, Walter Payton and other understated stars come to mind.

The 2011 US team is not made up of Mia Hamms. Hope Solo, most certainly, is no Mia Hamm.

The Wild West, Gunslingers, and Free Speech

In 2007, the United States lost their semifinal game vs. Brazil. After giving up only two goals total in the first four games of the tournament, US coach Greg Ryan played veteran Brianna Scurry in goal, benching Solo. After the team lost the game 4-0, Solo spoke her mind:

“It was the wrong decision, and I think anybody that knows anything about the game knows that. There’s no doubt in my mind I would have made those saves. And the fact of the matter is it’s not 2004 anymore. It’s not 2004. And it’s 2007, and I think you have to live in the present. And you can’t live by big names. You can’t live in the past. It doesn’t matter what somebody did in an Olympic gold medal game in the Olympics three years ago. Now is what matters, and that’s what I think.”

Solo’s words brought her a hailstorm of criticism. In a world where overhyped and egotistical athletes talk way too much, hers was simply another public example of someone making a bad decision in the heat of the moment. Ryan booted her off the US team and was fired soon thereafter.

As Solo said today in a radio interview, nobody else knows what she went through. In her mind, that precludes the right of anyone else to pass judgment on her actions.

And all the criticism begs this question: Isn’t speaking out about something that is a passion distinctly American? We love it when our athletes tell it like it is. We love Ozzie Guillen’s rants, right? We are hypnotized when Chad Ochocinco changes his name, when Bode Miller says something random, or when Ron Artest changes his name to Metta Worldpeace. We love it when Shaq says whatever he feels like saying in a post-game interview.

On Sunday evening, the US Captain, Abby Wambach said of Solo, “she is the best keeper in the world.”

So why was the reaction to Solo’s speaking out so negative? If she really is the best keeper in the world, might she have been the best keeper in the world in 2007? Don’t we expect our athletes to be as confident as a gunfighter in the wild west? Don’t you want a player, who may be among the best in the world in her position to be confident and to toe the line with cocky all day long? Here’s what the USA Soccer website has to say about Solo’s 2007. Straight from her profile:

2007: Started 15 games, earning nine shutouts and started the first four games of the 2007 FIFA Women’s World Cup in her first world championship … Was 13-0-2 on the year, allowing just eight goals and had three shutouts in the Women’s World Cup.

And then she was benched. How would you feel?

And isn’t free speech part of what we can do in America. Can you imagine what would have happened to the North Korean team had one of their players questioned the coach after the game? The coach, who used “getting struck by lightning” as an excuse for losing a hard-fought game to the United States, might have done a lot more than kick one of their players off the team.

And does anyone think that Solo didn’t know what the repercussions of her actions would be? She stood up for something she believed in, went against what you are “supposed” to do, and, with the tournament already over, impacted her teammates and the game much less negatively than people think.

Admitting Mistakes and Second Chances

In the Hero Journey, the protagonist must overcome adversity and, eventually, commit to change. The commitment to change is usually the turning point in a story and can be difficult for the hero and those around him/her.

When she made her comments, Solo certainly committed to change. She had to know what was coming

It wouldn’t be fair not to criticize her actions at all though. Solo spoke out when her teammates and soccer fans around this country were hurting. Her choice of timing — right after the game — was as effective for getting her message across as it was divisive. And her friendship with Brianna Scurry was demolished.

Because of all of that, Solo has spent the past four years regaining lost trust from her teammates. A New York Times article from 2008 carries some weight in the matter.

It also discusses the role Solo being a woman played in the extremely negative reaction of the public, which is an interesting point, but one for another article. It also talks about the role of Solo’s father passing away shortly before the 2007 World Cup and some of the tribulations she went through while at the University of Washington. Solo had been through a lot, risen to the top of the soccer world, and had been struck down emotionally by her coach and by the unkind realities of human existence.

But America is about nothing if not second chances. Time has passed, the US team has been rebuilt around Wambach and Solo, and they are poised to complete their path toward redemption.

Be like Han

And then there’s this. Her name is Hope Solo. She was born the same year I was: 1981. For your reference, The Empire Strikes Back debuted in 1980; Return of the Jedi in 1983. So let’s compare her to the swashbuckling Harrison Ford character who happened to also be distinctly American.

When he first appears in Star Wars, Solo is a first-rate jerk. He doesn’t like working with anyone. He even struggles working with his first mate, a Wookie who only stays with Han, presumably, because Solo once saved his life.

Han even goes so far as to give up one of his only friends to Darth Vader. A bad decision. Remind you of anyone?

Han Solo, of course, redeems himself. As the most American of Americans, Solo helps Luke Skywalker and the rebels destroy the Death Star and Darth Vader himself. There is a decisive victory, but it only came because Skywalker gave him a second chance. Solo went from a traitor to a hero relatively quickly and this ascension, this ability to pull oneself up by their bootstraps and get to the top, is (historically) a uniquely American experience.

It’s taken Hope Solo a lot longer, but hers has the potential to be a similar journey. To put it another way, she has a firm grasp on her bootstraps with two games to go.

Winning and Redemption

As definitively American as Hope Solo’s journey has been, it’s not complete. The story of the American Character, to be satisfying to the public, must end with triumph and unquestionable victory. Solo is not there yet. In so many ways, neither is any of the US team. If they lose on Wednesday, they will be a team whose fate was only delayed three days by great individual plays from Wambach and Solo. Players like Shannon Boxx, Wambach, and Solo will have careers marked by gaping World Cup holes and unfulfilled dreams. To complete the journey and, some would argue, to make theirs a completely American hero journey, the team must win. The story must be completed.

For Solo, this World Cup is a microcosm of her career. After a brilliant start, there was a significant hiccup and it took time to get the original confidence back. Wambach’s header into the back of the net Sunday afternoon gave the team that confidence anew. And kept Solo’s story going. How distinctly American.

That is not a typo, and I am sure you are now hyperventilating. Someone call the paramedics!

In fact, that number is so outrageous, you probably think you are reading an article written by Jerry Springer. And maybe Jerry is to blame. Springer and the baby-face of Zac Efron have gotten to the Lakers heads. Add in some saucy Justin Beiber, and the half-naked, Megan Fox, and the Lakers have gone down in the flames of Hollyweird.

Weird, is the perfect word.

With the champs down 3-0 to a hungry Mavericks team, one would expect the survival mechanism to kick in. These are the Los Angeles Lakers, two time defending champs, deeper than anyone in the league, with a nest of proven title warriors. But instead, the fans have been abandoned with the pretty, bop haircut of Drew Barrymore, and are left to fend off the snakes of reality–too old; Kobe not the same; Pau soft; Bynum’s glass knees; No heart; Defensively poor; Fisher needs to fish elsewhere.

Weird, weirdness, weirder, weirdest, weirdizzle.

And while I’m on the topic, Barrymore is a perfect example. One of her first films, Firestarter, an alt-classic with a cultish’ following, features the young Barrymore blazing through American streets with an ability to start fires. She doesn’t know why she does it, accept that she gets enormously pissed off, and bad things happen to really good people.

So get out the gasoline, and start this here barbecue, because a massive roast is about’ to ensue.

Kobe IS FAR passed his prime. It was obvious in today’s game, that the fifteen years on  his thin, lengthy frame, have worn his once spry knees to ancient nubs. He came out red hot, as to be expected, shooting 6-8 in the 1st quarter. But 2-12 for the remainder, with little lift or drive, beckons the question..has his window of dominance closed?

Bynum, a guy getting paid fourteen million dollars on knees of a sixty year old’s, has reasons to smile. He is the most overrated big man in the league, with an ego the size of Texas.

I vote trade his ass to the South Dakota Greg Oden’s.

Pau is shaken by a recent breakup. Wait, a BREAKUP! Can we now consider Vanessa Bryant the new Yoko?

Fisher is now officially crowned with clownsmanship. I am positive Phil had him out there as comic relief, as everytime he threw Terry, Barrea, or Kidd to the ground, he still had it in him to somehow argue the foul call.

The problem with Artest is he is now Sir’ Ronald Artest, and no longer is going by his thug name Ron Ron “Stab a Juggler Vein.”

I think the basketball God hates Steve Blake because he no longer wears a birca.

LO is also the nickname of a former star on the Teeny Bop MTV series The Hills. And we wonder why Lamar is not a star….?

Kloe Kardashian is the 2nd woman in world history to experience immaculate conception. This occured after Luke Walton used the force during a game of Star Wars.

Walton prefers the name Yoda. Kobe prefers to call him Chewy.

Bring Mark”Mad Dog” Madsen” back, and before every game have the guy dance in a tassle embroidered thong.

Maybe this will turn Jeanie Buss on. Either that, or Phil needs to enhance his libido with viagra. Dude is so impartial, he makes a mute begger look like Chatty Kathy.

Flames.

Like Dante’s hell burning up the gloried, the Heat is on, literally.

And Barrymore, who never learns how to gauge her violent skill, is burning down the house (no pun intended).