Coach Ryan, you resemble a clown at a party trying to grab attention with balloon animals and a water-squirting flower in your shirt pocket. I’ve got news for you; kids over the age of five don’t even like clowns. And apparently that’s what you take this whole process as, a fun little birthday party designed for toddlers. The routine has become stale.

It seems hard to understand where this guy comes off? Did the ratings of his reality television stint on HBO’s Hard Knocks this pre-season inflate his ego? Congrats Rex, maybe you can bunk up with Vinny, Paulie and the Situation next season on the Jersey Shore. Make sure not to bring home any grenades from the club or you might get clowned, but you are already used to that.

Maybe it’s an aura of self-entitlement? He is after all the son of one of the greatest defensive minds professional football has ever seen, right? I don’t think Kevin Gilbride’s face agrees.

His father, Buddy, was the creator of the ’46’ or ‘Bear’ front that was ahead of its time and is still used today – on the high school football gridiron. Wow, the old man decided one day to jam the strong safety up on the line of scrimmage in an eight technique in the tight end’s face. What a novel concept. Hopefully his Canton parking spot is already reserved.

You would think a coach who has had every advantage through the ranks and undoubtedly got his first job in the business solely because of his last name would be a little more humble? The words coming out of this man’s mouth would lead the casual observer to believe he is speaking in front of a backdrop of Lombardi trophies.

He claims his bravado is because he wants to take all the pressure off of his players and lay it exclusively onto himself. Well, that idea is great in theory, but he fails to grasp the underlying and evident concept within that idea – just because the noise comes out of his mouth doesn’t make the other team want to beat his team any less. They don’t care where the motivation comes from. Coach or player, any material they can use from the opposition, they will.

Now the jowl-flapper’s new goal is to try and verbally infiltrate the Belichick compound that, as we are all aware of, is guarded tighter than Fort Knox. You’re no James Bond, Rex. In fact, Maxwell Smart makes you look ridiculous. The Pats are watching you dig your own grave, ‘and loving it.’

Ryan blathered earlier this week, “this isn’t about the players, its all about me versus Belichick, period.”

Uh, no coach. It has everything to do with the players and absolutely nothing to do with you versus Belichick. It would be one thing if you rivaled him somehow, but comparing yourself and your accomplishments to him and his is like comparing a collection of Olympic gold medals to a 5th grade track meet participation ribbon.

We are lead to believe that it is “all about” a coach with multiple super bowl rings versus a coach with three playoff wins to his name because you said so? Keep dreaming. And no, dad’s accomplishments don’t count.

It’s not just Ryan that is yakking. It seems this week Antonio Cromartie has been attempting to bait Tom Brady. The New York Post has even quoted him on the cover of a recent issue, “$@#% Brady.”

He has continued throughout the week with his outlandish statements and has been baited himself by the media, as it seems Cromartie has fallen into his own trap. He has taken as many shots at Brady and the rest of the Patriots this week as number of children he has fathered out of wedlock with different mothers – more than a handful.

Might I remind Antonio the fate of big-mouthed defensive backs when verbally challenging Brady and the Pats in the playoffs the week leading up to the game. Does a certain number twenty-seven in black and gold ring a bell? Three words: Anthony. Smith. Punked.

And not just punked, but punked of epic proportion. After proclaiming a guaranteed victory only to be beat on a deep ball for all the marbles late in the game, I believe he was then ousted out of football for good. Literally. Same day. Sources say he didn’t even get to shower before security escorted him off of the stadium premises. Will Cromartie be dealt a similar fate?

When questioned about Cromartie’s remarks this week, Ryan backpedaled, “without question, everyone on this roster respects Tom Brady.”

Oh yea? By everyone, you mean everyone except Cromartie, right? Nothing says respect like a direct blast that requires dollar and percentage signs when relayed in print.

You are a savant of blunt honesty, aren’t you coach? Or is it selective and only when it benefits you? Ryan must take people for idiots. Again, coach, you may be a clown, but we aren’t toddlers. Your spin doesn’t work on the media or the fans and it only makes you look even more foolish.

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It’s almost as if the Jets are talking to themselves in a way, trying to drum up an actual scenario where they win in their own minds, like a consistent failure would do when transparently trying to make up for his shortcomings.

The way the Pats put a beat down on them in their last meeting, maybe they are more comparable to a Chihuahua who constantly and insignificantly keeps trying to bite your ankles, no matter how many times it gets shooed away.

The best part about this verbal spewing by the Jets is that the Pats don’t need to say anything. They don’t need to return fire. The fire coming from the Jets is coming from too great of a distance to even register on the Pats’ radar. The franchise with three super bowl rings this decade is confident on their veteran battleship. The franchise that hasn’t sniffed a super bowl in almost four decades is pathetically grasping from their rubber dingy.

The Pats are the quintessential ‘play with your pads’ team. If their skill in big games over the past decade had a mouth, it would rival that of Floyd Mayweather.

The fact is, it doesn’t. And that is more than just refreshing. It is perfect for the old-school fan to get behind when choosing between a team that talks with its pads and a team that has a mouth that writes checks its ass can’t cash.

All that considered, Ryan continued to ramble this week, “you shouldn’t like the other team you are playing right now, it’s the playoffs!”

Yes coach, you shouldn’t like the other team you are playing. No one in the sporting arena likes the opposition standing in the way of its goal. We understand that you need to find reasons to get fired up for the game. Such is the nature of this game of football.

However, to make this exercise a public spectacle and a media circus only raises the stakes to a level that will bust you completely sooner than later. It is the equivalent of shoving all your chips in the middle of the table with a marginal hand at best. Your only problem is the Pats love nothing more than to call bluffs. They have built a dynasty on it. News flash: the owner won’t keep giving you re-buys every time you bust out coach. The more you talk and lose, the sooner you get fired.

When considering Rex Ryan as a coach and what he is so desperately trying to accomplish, my mind keeps coming back to one common theme; and that is the direct relationship between super bowl champion coaches and a calm confidence that exudes from them and doesn’t need to be at all overt.

Bill Bellichick comes to mind. So does Bill Walsh. There is a reason why Mike Ditka and your daddy as his assistant were one-hit wonders. The talkers at the podium during the week don’t win the ultimate prize year after year. They never do. The ones that talk with actions on Sundays end up hoisting multiple Lombardi’s.

You want to become a super bowl winner someday, coach? A piece of advice for you: keep it under the radar. Quit giving endless bulletin board material.

Your big theme for the season speech to the team that was filmed in training camp for Hard Knocks comes to mind, “$@&% being the hunters, we want to be the hunted! We want to play from on top and have all the pressure! We want people always coming after us!” (And apparently talk every form of trash in the book along the way). What a misguided idiot.

Contrary to that, quit giving teams reasons to see themselves as the hunters and you the hunted. Predators last longer than prey. It’s not an opinion; it’s a fact of nature. There was this guy named Darwin…. oh… well… never mind.

The more teams have reasons to really come after you, the higher the probability that you will get beat than would be otherwise. It’s a simple concept.

And the sad fact is teams don’t want to beat you now because you are on top. You aren’t on top. They want to beat you simply because you talk too much! What a greatly advantageous place to be!

You want to have success in doing something where you can put yourself way out there on a limb? I would forget coaching in the NFL and stick to posting homemade foot-fetish videos.

-Andrew Stevens